One Month Update and Going Home

So it's been a month of dieting now and I am sitting on just over 14 lbs gone. I've found were my failures are (eating out) and where I'm successful (creative low calorie dinners). I've found somethings that work really well for me (weighing in everyday) and what is a total failure for me (free days have been changed to extra calorie days).

I'm at the point where I can start adding in exercise now since NaNoWriMo is now over (I won BTW). I'm really thinking 2012 is going to be a good year for me. Come spring time I'm going to look into joining a running club here in Red Deer depending on how my joints/feet are feeling by that time. I'm hoping that losing the weight will help a lot there, but will, at the very lease, help a little.

And of course, I am going to keep transforming and working with my diet. Although, to be honest, this isn't a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I guess that means I'm more likely to be truly successful, but the "diet" part comes first and the exercise part is working it's way in.

Next week I fly home for Christmas - which will be interesting. Bonus - I do most of the cooking when I'm at my parents house because I like to cook and I'm a better cook than either of my parents. Negatives - it's Christmas. How in the world am I going to resist the temptation of eggnog, chocolate and a giant holiday meal complete with dessert? How about all the restaurants that I know I am going to have to go to because I miss the food so much?

I know those two weeks are going to be tough. I know that going Memphis Blues BBQ House is going to send my calorie count through the roof. I just hope that since I know these things, these dangers, that I will be able to minimize or avoid them.

And of course the very best thing, I can't even tell you right now. Only a few people and my coworkers know the surprise I have in store for my family when I step off that plane on December 18th....there is no public acknowledgement of this surprise save for this post and a single tweet.

Damn, I'm so excited.

Delicious Endeavours

I love cooking. It has always been fun for me to cook for people on occasion. I love to sit down and think up a full meal to serve to others because it's fun. Sometimes people ask me why I didn't decide to become a chef. Honestly, I have thought of it, but I have my reasons for not following such a path.

Tonight my friend Crystal was over. I was helping her work out a new diet plan to get to her goal weight within about two years. I believe she can do it!

The bonus (and sometimes the drawback) of coming to my place is I will always use my guests as guinea pigs for new recipes. She had the luck to try new recipes that worked out, for the most part.

Tonight I served lamb burgers on homemade gluten-free buns with pickled eggplant and goat cheese. A side of fresh baked sweet potato chips (not french fries!) with a curry garlic aioli. And dessert? Well it was so pretty I had to take a picture.




A mini lemon chiffon cake with creme fraiche. Yeah. I made that.

Overall, it was a good meal, the gluten-free buns were the best I'd ever had, the lamb burgers were perfect and the pickled eggplant and goat cheese worked very well with it. The sweet potato chips should have been thinner so that they would have been crispier, but they still tasted delicious and the dip - well my friend took the rest of it home she loved it so much.

And that gorgeous dessert up there tasted incredible, but the outside of the cake was a little tough. I had made them the night before and I knew quickly that the next time I make them, I'll need to adjust the cooking temperature and time for the smaller size of the cakes and the gluten-free flour.

I'll definitely be using these recipes again with a few changes to some of them. It was a wonderful meal and I am quite proud of myself today.

Keep your eye on the prize

Weight. It's something I've always struggled with for most of my life. Every now and again, I get fire under my butt to do something about, mostly I'm not that successful. My greatest weightloss triumphs have usually been due to illness - which is no success.

One week ago I decided to give it a long term shot - all because I got a smartphone.

Yes, you read that right. My smartphone is my dieting tool this time. There are tonnes of apps you can get for smartphones and that means there are apps that help with dieting. I wanted to keep things simple, if it gets to be too difficult, too inconvenient, I'll just say 'to hell with it'. That has been part of my issue with previous attempts.

So moving forward with the KISS mindset, I downloaded a basic calorie counter app. I set myself at a caloric limit that would allow me to lose a reasonable 2 lbs a week with my current lifestyle. Not that I don't want to exercise (or don't enjoy it), but with NaNoWriMo, I knew my exercise would be close to nil. 1500 calories was my daily limit, but I wasn't going to freak out if I was a little over on occasion.

Next came more research, looking for other advice and tips that may allow me to be more likely to succeed this time around. Some tips I ignored, others I considered and some I am actually trying. One of these tips was not to be so strict on my days off. I find it harder to eat healthy when I'm not at work, so I allow myself around 1700 calories, but the firm cap is 2000.

Some of the advice goes against what most experts tell you - such as weighing myself everyday. Yes, I'm well aware that my weight can fluctuate for a variety of reason that have nothing to do with losing weight.

The thing I've found is that even when the scale goes down by .1 lbs, it gives me encouragment, and when it goes up? Well that just reminds me that I need to stay on track that much more. Plus, I love the fact that my app graphs my weight. For me, visual display keeps me interested.

Of course I'm going to keep trying different ideas and suggestions to see what will work best for me over the next month or so. Eventually, I'm going to have a plan that actually works for me - not the diet other people say is the best for me.

So, at the end of one week of my current diet? I'm sitting at a total loss of 6 lbs. I'd say that is pretty encouraging. Can't wait till I can start adding some exercise into the mix.

Inspire Me World

I am so stoked for NaNoWriMo right now. Just had a plot planning event and it got my mind into writers mode. On the walk home I started to look at everything with different eyes. It reminded me that inspiration is just a slightly altered viewpoint away.

The tree that was lit up white against a black sky could stand for anything. In one viewpoint it standing strong and defiant against a menacing dark sky. Or as a lonely sentinel, waiting to be released from the prison its own roots had created for it.

I passed a kid (to me) stumbling his drunken way down the sidewalk. The he looks, the sound of his steps in the fallen leaves struck a chord. "Stumbling, stuttering steps" was the phrase that popped into my mind. (I love alliteration). I ran with it and posted the results as my Facebook status.

Inspiration is everywhere, all you need to learn is how to look at it in the right way. Or at the very least, in a different way than you normally would. Then take your imagination and expand on it.

A great exercise is to take something you see or hear everyday and try to describe it in a completely new light. Turn the ordinary everyday things into something extraordinary with a new point of view.

Inspiration is everywhere. All you need to do is open your mind and allow your imagination free run. Go ahead, let it take your emotions and imagine the possibilities of things you would never do.

Now look at those imaginings in a new light as well. Don't dismiss them as idle wanderings of the mind. Embrace them and develop the images. Give them story, give them more detail...even if it disturbs you to do so. Maybe you can use it in a story somewhere.

Remember. Inspiration - it really is everywhere and in everything. All you need to do is let it in.

The Common Cold

I don't often get sick. I can count three, possibly four, times in my entire life that I have been really sick. I mean so sick I could barely move sick. And one of those times I worked through anyway and landed myself in the hospital. Normally I get short, mild versions of the common cold. Now the oddest part, of all (or maybe not so odd depending on your POV) is that I typically get sick on a Wednesday.

So, when the first "normal" work day after weeks of busting my butt landed on a Wednesday, it's no surprise that I woke up sick. Slightly swollen glands, rough throat, runny nose. Yup, the common cold.

After finishing up a reasonable 9.25hr shift I did the first thing that I typically do when I know I am getting sick. I reach for the home remedy. What do I use? I have two choices depending how sick I feel and the time of the day.

Option 1:  Lemon & Ginger Tea with honey.  I steep lemon and a touch of ginger in hot water and sweeten with honey. Best choice for sore throats.

Option 2:  Hot Toddy. There are a lot of recipes for hot toddys out there, but mine is one of the most basic. Very similar to my lemon ginger tea, but add some demarrara rum to the mix. Whiskey will do in a pinch.

A note on honey : The darker the honey the better. Regular honey is just fine, but many darker honeys of known medicinal properties. Buckwheat honey, for example, has been proven to be as effective on colds as a DM cough medicine. Read the study here

Both of these remedies actually work extremely well for me. Of course it helps that I have a kick ass immune system. The only problem is that even when the symptoms don't show...even when I don't even know I'm sick - I am a carrier. That is why my friends call me Typhoid Mary.

So what home remedy for the common cold do you swear by? What works best for you?

Another NaNo Year

The first time I participated I joined at the last second and flew by the seat of my pants. The second year I spent two weeks writing out a 10K detailed outline. Last year, my third in case you need help with the math, I pantsed it again.

The first year, what I wrote was barely salvageable. There was some really good elements I would love to use later on. It was a story that I had always wanted to write. I learned a lot that year.

That second year, I flew through those words. Most of what I wrote wasn't too bad. I liked it enough that I am heading in to my third draft of it. I still like it, but I know it needs a lot of work....

Last year was a lot like the first in results. There was some good stuff, but I started in one direction and ended in a different direction. Where I ended was what I should have been writing from the beginning.

I also did Camp NaNaWriMo this year, not that I did too well, but it was something that I am very happy that I did.

Those last few years have taught me somethings. I've learned that I work better with an outline, but even with an outline I tend to go off course - a lot. I learned that I work better with deadlines. I learned that it's fun to experiment, but more often than not, my writing leads me to where it wants to go and not where I always want to take it.

When I was younger, long before I gave up on the idea of being a writer, I dreamt of writing science fiction. Even then, as much as I loved reading humour, I knew I couldn't write it. Yet, even then I always focussed on the human drama.

Then I gave up on writing. Not as conscious decision and I never even realized that I had done it. I had become so focussed on trying to find a career and a stable job and to "do the right thing" - whatever that meant.

I came back to writing during a time of change in my life. I picked up where I had left off, maybe even a little bit back of that point. Boy, what a learning curve. I still feel like the quality of my writing is quite lacking.

This all leads me to another year of NaNo.

This year, I've only just decided what to write. I've followed my instincts back to the human drama. All I need for this one is a single character and I am looking forward to it.

I don't know if it'll be good, but it'll be mine. So if you don't hear from me for a bit, this time you'll know why.

I hope that what I've learned in the past helps me this year. My goal is 80K. A nice reasonable goal....

Wish me luck.

Oh the drama!

So, last night was interesting. I made frenchfries and was sooo tired that I forgot to turn off the burner. The oil caught fire of course and I grabbed a pot lid to put it out and then moved the pot off the burner, in the process knocking a nylon spatual onto the not-yet-turned off burner.

I went around and opened my windows, turned on the fans and blocked the gap under the door so that none of my neighbors would call the fire department. At which point the acrid stench of burning plastics brought the spatula to my attention. I removed it from the burner and turned the burner off. By that time it was too late.

Eyes stinging, lungs burning, I grabbed a bandana and double checked how good I blocked the gap under my door and then I lifted the curtains and tried to help the smoke out by waving a towel for a bit. Eventually I decided that my bedroom was a priority.

I partially closed the door and focussed on getting that area as smoke free as possible. Of course my cats needed access to "their room", so I cracked my door a bit then I  laid by the window and went to bed because there was nothing else I could do and it was the only place where I could be without choking to death. Of course this was after working a 12 hour shift (again) at work.

Yeah. Drama.

Versatile Blogger

I was surprised and honoured when I logged on (quite a while ago now) to find that the incredible and talented The Capillary has passed this on to me:





Now, I've been averaging 11 - 12 hour shifts at work for the last few weeks so even though I wanted to acknowledge the hours I've been pulling in haven't really allowed it. However, we are back up to full staff (but just as full a work load) so I have something resembling energy. So I am writing this over several days.

To start, I must say "Thank You" to The Capillary. This honour makes me want to really try harder to make my blog a bit better and more focused than it is right now. I doubt that'll happen, but it makes me want to try. Or perhaps, at the very least, more regular entries! To those few that do follow and do read, thank you to you folks as well. It is appreciated.

Besides the thank you to the person that gave the award to me there are two more things I must do. I need to share seven things about me and pass the award on to other blogs. I still need to think about who I want to pass the award on to. I don't read many blogs nowadays so I want to put some good thought into this, but the seven things. Well, you get those right now.

1. It is incredibly easy for me to get a song stuck in my head. I usually don't mind having a song stuck in my head unless it's a song I hate....of course I pretend that I hate having songs stuck in my head...I don't know why I do that.
2. I drink a LOT of coffee, but even the four or five giant mugs worth that I have at work regularly is waaaaaay less than I used to drink. Yeah, I used to be one of those people.....
3. I hate ice. I don't like having ice in my drinks and will always order my drinks sans ice. This is even more crucial if they use an ice machine (which all establishments do) because, well, I've heard stories.
4. When it comes to cell phones, I may love new tech, but I approach my usage with an old fashioned set of rules. I do not think that one should take calls while in the company of others with few exceptions. When you are spending time with someone that means you are spending time with that person - not someone on the other end of the phone.
5. I love food. There are very few foods that I don't eat, just foods I can't eat (but still will sometimes anyway). Most of the foods that I don't eat fall under then category of exotic fruits (mango, papaya etc...).
6. Falling asleep in cars is very difficult for me. I have literally been up from 4am of one day till 11 pm of the next because of an overnight drive to BC. Even if I am beyond exhausted I will constantly keep jerking awake in a moving vehicle. I have yet to be on a long enough flight to see if this applies to planes as well.
7. I love to cook and I especially love cooking for other people, but I hate cooking in other peoples places.- no matter how well stocked their kitchen is. Although, I think I take greater pleasure in planning meals than I do in actually cooking them.

OMG. I cannot believe I finally got around to finishing this post. I still have to look up some people to pass this on to (that haven't already been nominated).. *phew* I think this only took a week for me to write.

Critters big and small

I have often told people that I live a life filled with animals. While this statement is not as true as it once was, it's no lie either.

Right now it's just me and my two cats as far as animals I live with. A promised poodle on the way as well in a year or two, but she's not here yet. However, one of my good friends is a poodle breeder. Another good friend happens to own four dogs, two cats, two horses, two guinea pigs, a bearded dragon and a snake, my best friend shows and trains horses - I have no idea how many she has now, has barn cats and four dogs. These are the people I spend most of my time with.

Once upon a time I used to be a dog trainer as well. I don't really do any training anymore except by special request, but I kinda miss. I don't miss dealing with idiot dog owners, but I miss dealing with all kinds of dogs and their different personality. I regret never getting around to learning schutzhund.

Why do I bring this up?

Because today I spent the day with another dog trainer, an active one. I didn't do any training, but I watched. It reminded me that I would really like to do training again.....even if it's only ever for my own dogs.

Flash Fiction

As I've mentioned a few times before. I am putting a focus on the short story and the art of brevity for a little bit in hopes that it will improve my writing. When I came across a very awesome piece of flash fiction written by a friend of mine The Capillary. Her piece "You Can't Even Tell" is wonderfully written and an engaging read.

It was out of curiosity that I followed the link that she provided about the Platform Building Campaigner Challenge. I was very intrigued. I'd never attempted to write anything so short. So, much inspired by the wonderfulness of what I read, I decided to give it a shot, even though I am not actually a participant in the Platform Building Campaign.

So this was my attempt, but I don't think it really counts as a story. It was an attempt to do everything asked for in regards to extra challenges. I'm sure I could probably do better then this, but I didn't want to sit on it for too long and I've been so busy nursing my cat back to health. So I wrote this just this evening and spent maybe 30min on the edit for word count. It is currently unnamed.

---

The door swung open and I hoped it was him. A handsome man around my age, but he walked right by, roses in hand to the table of someone prettier than I. Averting my stare and adjusting the white rose I wore pinned to my chest, I waited for the door to open again.

This time it was an older gentleman, well groomed and flashing hints of gold around his neck and wrist. I sipped my water and watched him through my lashes. He glanced around briefly and then made his way towards a woman whose ears sparkled in the pale candlelight.

Thirty minutes past the hour, according to my watch, and the door stayed stubbornly still. The time had come and gone.

“Still waiting on your guest?”

“No, I don’t think anyone’s coming tonight.”

“Well maybe he’ll show up tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I’ll take the usual to go.”

“Already got it packed,” Nancy placed the container on the table and I grabbed my single, lonely meal as I stood to leave

“See you tomorrow.”

Nancy pushed the door open for me. “We’ll have the table ready like always.”

“Thanks.” I stepped out into the night and the door swung shut.

Short Story Recap

I've been working on my short story goal. I've finished the first draft of a twist on the phantom hitchhiker tale. I like it, but it could use a little more panache. I'm not sure I'm conveying the emotions of my MC in such a way as to create proper suspense. Unfortunately, my time has been precious with a cat to nurse, but I'm trying.

I have another idea for a short story based on the song "Hotel California" by The Eagles. It's an idea that I've had stuck in my head for over a year now. My brain has been working at it, trying to look at it from all angles. Create the twist in the ending that I really want and keep the reader guessing about the reliability of the narrator.

First though, edit the one I just wrote. I'll prolly post it over at my other blog (I'll tweet the post if I do that).

Force feeding a cat is no easy or fun task. This I know from personal experience. Normally I don't talk about my cats here because I know it'll bore people. No one wants to hear me go on about the little furry critters that I share my life and home with. I do love them very much, even though I don't talk about them here. I'm talking about it now because one of them is sick and, as often as I can, I have to force feed my cat Bean. Bean just turned 12 years old and he is sick. He's been off for a few weeks and only recently he decided to stop eating entirely. I must be doing something right because he's getting stronger at fighting off my attempts at feeding him. So for the forseeable future I get to fight with giving my cat food and water until his appetite comes back. It could be a few weeks or a few months. I just wanted to write about it even if no one cares or wants to listen.

Literary Endeavours

The short story. It's been on my mind quite a bit in recent days.

I love reading short stories as much as I enjoy a good novel. There are short stories that I remember reading in high school that still stick in my mind. Like "The Painted Door" by Sinclair Ross or "Hills Like White Elephants" by Ernest Hemingway come immediately to mind. And "Dolan's Cadillac" by Stephen King. In fact, if you haven't read any of them go read them now before continuing.

Go on. I'm waiting.

If you did read any or all of those, thank you. If you didn't, you're missing out on some good writing.

I remember that I used to write short stories when I was in high school. Most I've lost over the years. Still, it was good practice, no matter how badly written the prose.

Short stories, I believe are essential to being a good writer. There is no room in the short story for words and phrases that do not improve and move the plot.

As much as I love short stories and, as important as I think they are, I don't write short stories. Maybe it's all psychological, but I always seem to find myself blocked when I try to focus on writing a short story.

So in the next month or so, before NaNoWriMo that is, I will be focusing solely on the art of the brevity.

I've been working my way through a self-directed writing course as well which I'm hoping will help. So far, it has been quite eye-opening.

Of course, once we're into October, all bets may be off as I would like to really detail a plot outline for this year’s NaNoWriMo attempt.

Now my only problem is - who is going to proof my attempts and give me feedback?

The Avocado Project

If you know me well, you may know that I love plants, but I have a bad habit of killing them. In fact, I have no plants at all in my house despite the giving of, and buying of, greenery.

Yet, I have decided that this is the year I fix that. I am going to grow myself several avocado trees.

I had one avocado every day last week for lunch, but instead of getting rid of the seed, I kept it and brought it home. Today, I carefully followed instructions on how get my seeds to become trees.

I have five seeds on my window sill, suspended in cups of water that I hope will grow. One of the seeds split slightly when I was stabbing it with the toothpick (all part of the procedure), one is slightly misshapen, but the other three are pretty much normal.

I planted five even though I am only hoping to have two or three trees in the end. Any good, and even bad, gardener knows that not all the seeds will grow. Let's say the split one never sprouts or the misshapen one dies when I finally transfer them to soil....then I still have the potential of three trees.

I'm going to be keeping track of them. Taking pictures every month or so as they grow. I'm even going to name them. It'll make it easier to track their growth progress.

Details and pictures will be posted later. I promise. *so excited*

Self-Motivation

Yeah, so I do keep meaning to post something and I have been wanting to do the research on that article that I've been dying to write, but have I done either of these things?

I think you know the answer to that. The answer is simply, no.

Now that brings up the question of, why?

Is it because I'm lazy? I'm too busy? I've just got better thing to do then sit and write posts for a blog that no one really reads at all?

Sadly, the answer to these is also no. I know the real question, but the problem is not something I easily have an answer to.

You may have seen some posts on here regarding a certain bad habit that I have. It's call procrastination. I consider procrastination my number one bad habit. I don't have too many, but this is a big one and I have no idea how to totally kick this habit of mine.

When I say I procrastinate, I don't just mean that I put off things that I don't want to do. I actually put off things that I really want to do. Like writing. It's fun for me to write. I enjoy it. I want to do it all the time, but I don't do it all the time.

My wanting to write and liking writing should be enough motivation for me to overcome my habit of procrastination to be able to do writing more often, but it's not. So maybe it's not just procrastination that's the problem. Maybe it's a lack of motivation.

Now there are books written on this subject, you do a google search and you come up will thousands (perhaps even millions) of articles and blog posts on the subject of 'how to motivate yourself'.

I know what does help motivate me. If someone challenges me to a short term challenge for the results are real and measurable - that gets me going.

Take NaBloPoMo for example. You may notice that there are months when I post at least one thing nearly every day. Those are the days when someone challenges me to NaBloPoMo. Or NaNoWriMo - there's one I have yet to fail at. (OK, I only hit 40K for CampNaNoWriMo, but I was away for the first week and pulling in a lot of OT at work.)

Even if I'm not fit enough to truly finish a race that I've entered, like the half-marathon I did in May, I'll push myself to finish because I will not drop out or give up.

Still, these examples show more of my pig-headed stubbornness then any sort of motivation. I hate conceding defeat to anything that I *know* I can do if I just push myself hard enough.

So when it comes to motivating yourself, how do you do it? Because no matter how many of those internet articles I read, I can always use more advice.

Back from Vacation

My vacation to Saskatchewan was very nice. I still say that I need to have a real vacation instead of just visiting family and friends, but that is going to have to be put off for a while yet. I've got a few things I need to do before I can make that happen. Including a couple of visits home.

My nephew is probably one of the cutest babies I have ever seen and I generally don't like babies. I even held him a few times which was kind of cool. I can't wait till he is older. Seeing him makes me want write children's stories for him...which is surprising to me.

The one thing seeing him didn't do was make me want children of my own. Frankly, it made me want to have my own kid even less. Not something most women would say after holding something so precious, but I'm not most women.

It was nice seeing my family again too. I do miss them and I am looking forward to seeing them at Christmas time. Although after just less than a week around so many people I was quite happy to have a few days to myself afterward.

I'm still working on that article I promised you. I still need to do the research, which means I need to catch up somewhat on my word count for CampNaNoWriMo. Although, if I take some time to focus then I should be okay.

Still, I have a lot on my mind right now. Too much really. Sadly, this is not the place for these thoughts. Actually, I have no place for these thoughts. They are mine alone.

A Celebratory Occasion

I wasn't going to post today, but I am mulling over a very serious post for when I get back from vacation. It requires some research to write it, but I really want to write it.

Why I am writing today is for two very special occasions. Today I am celebrating two birthdays. First, this is Canada Day. Today my beloved country turns just 144 years old. A young country, but a good one in my opinion.

The other birthday I am celebrating is that of my brand new nephew, Caleb Gerald who was born at 0710 in Saskatoon and weighing in at a whopping 9.8lbs. My best friend of 18 years and his mother had technically been in labour for two weeks at the time of his birth.

And I tell you, I've seen one picture of him that she posted on facebook and he is a damned cute little thing. That means something coming from me because I'm not normally the kind of person who likes babies. In fact, I find most newborns to be kinda ugly looking.

So, I doubt you'll hear from me for a week or so! I am officially on vacation.

Celebratory 100!

This is my 100th blog post here. It seems like a momentus occasion to me because, as I once wrote, I am not a blogger. Although that fact really hasn’t change, I do think I’ve become a better blogger over these past 100 posts.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of rambling entries here. Sometimes I even wonder if I make any sense. I know I’ve had a few good ones as well. My most popular post, by page views, would be Letter to a Year Gone By. I kinda liked that one myself.

Although a look back wasn’t what I originally had in mind for a 100th post, I honestly couldn’t think of anything better to write. Besides, I like looking back – if only to see and perhaps understand, that which has made me who I am today.

Maybe one day I will feel comfortable calling myself a blogger. Until that I day, I will keep posting along here. Sometimes as a part of NaBloPoMo – the only time you can count on me posting – and sometimes outside of those times when my posts are more infrequent. Or maybe, as I now find myself getting a handle on this blogging thing, those no NaBloPoMo posts will become more regular.

I am sorry to say this is all I can leave you with on my 100th blog post as I wait for the exciting news of the birth of my nephew and as I prepare for the arrival of my family in a few days time.

May the next 100 posts go smoother than the last.

The Indifference of Good Men

Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men.

The quote above is from a movie called The Boondock Saints. I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it. Although I will warn you that it is a VERY violent movie and the word "fuck" and its derivatives are used a total of 246 times.

I’m using this particular quote, not just because I agree with is, but as a reminder to myself regarding an incident that happened recently.

Let me preface this little story by telling you about where I live. I live right downtown in an above store apartment facing one of the busiest streets in the city. My neighborhood can safely be described as ‘not the safest’. In other words, there are drug dealers, prostitutes, crackheads, homeless people and, well, you get the idea.

My apartment is selective in its tenants; most of the other apartments nearby are not so selective. It’s not unheard of for there to screaming matches, cop cars, ambulances, noisy drunks and, once, even a ‘prophet’.

Depending on how serious things sound, I’ll grab my phone and head outside to see if anyone needs help or if I should call the RCMP. Although, first I look outside to assess the situation. The view from my windows is somewhat limited, but sometimes I can see enough to let me know whether to call the cops first or if I should just sit back down and ignore it because it’s nothing to be concerned about.

In the middle of the night, not long ago, I was awaken by the sounds of a very loud argument nearby. While my foggy brain tried to process what was happening, I took in every word. It was a man and woman and I’m still not exactly sure what they were arguing about.

I looked out my bedroom window and saw nothing. They were probably at the side of the building. The arguing went on for long enough that I debated about getting out of bed, putting on some clothes, grabbing my shoes and heading out to see if I should call the cops.

The only problem was, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to have to call the cops and stay up for more than hour because I’d have to make a statement. I just wanted the yelling to stop. I small part of me even just wanted to scream out my window “Shut the hell up!”, but I didn’t. In the end, it did stop and I fell back asleep.

And I admit that I feel really guilty about this.

I know, it’s not a safe neighborhood and I really should be out alone after dark, but I’ve rarely let something like that stop me from doing things before. I am embarrassed at my apathetic behavior. I did lay in bed struggling over whether to go out or not, but ‘not’ won the argument this time.

Should I feel guilty about this? Would have been better for me to go outside in the middle of the night and see if the cops were needed?

Random Thought and KickTheHabit Review

Random thought:

Getting married can be referred to as getting "hitched".

The phrase "go off without a hitch" means everything went smoothly.

So what would it mean if you told someone "I hope your wedding goes off without a hitch." ?

I have yet to figure out the answer to this one! Of course, I've now reserved it as a phrase to say to someone whose upcoming marriage I don't approve of. XD Let them read into it!

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I honestly don't have much to say today really. I've been working on my Chore List. I made a few more tweaks to the design since I've started using it. I even did great at no procrastinating last night.

I did watch a movie, but I also did 3 loads of laundry and ALL my dishes. I even folded and put my laundry away - something which only ever happened occasionally. I even prepared my lunch for today last night!

Of course, this week will be a test of my resolve to KickTheHabit. With my family arriving on Saturday night and me leaving for Saskatchewan right afterwards, I've got a lot to do. Not to mention a lot of baking and cooking. Treats and sweets for my BFF...and a big fancy meal for my family.

Not to mention making sure everyone has a place to sleep comfortably. Breakfast to be planned, groceries to buy, pets to care for!

Thursday through Saturday is going to be crazy for me. It would be nice if I had help, but I can do it.

So far, I have yet to work exercise and writing into my new schedule, but I'm getting there. I'm looking forward to doing some running while I'm in Saskatchewan. Nice empty TWP and RR roads to run along. Plus, my running buddy is there.

Oh, fair warning, I may not have access to internet while I am out there because I lent my stick to a friend. Although that friend will be in SK with me, I don't want to deprive her of what she needs for her schooling.

You Are Here

Sometimes, okay a lot of the time, I feel pretty lost in my life. On a small scale it’s all pretty simple. I sleep, I eat, I work, I play – I rinse and repeat. The big picture, though, well that’s a lot more complicated.

When I graduated high school, I wrote myself a letter to be opened ten years later. Have you ever done that? It had my hopes and dreams about where I wanted to be ten years from that day. When I read it last year, I was reminded of what a naïve and foolish child I was. Seriously, I was.

It would be great if I had a map that told me where I was and where I could go. I want a big red sticker stating ‘You are here’. Then maybe I could make some realistic choices in my life. There is so much I want to do and so much I wish I had done.

There is a saying that ‘these are the best days of your life’. That time is happens at different times for everyone and I wonder if I’ve had those years already. I look back fondly on my days in high school, but I’m not sure they were the best of days. Honestly, I was a bit of a wall flower back then. Who am I kidding? I still pretty much am.

College was a miss as well. Not my best days. So where are they? Are they now? Did I miss them? Are they yet to come? When will be the days that are the best moments of my life?

Those are questions that I may never be able to answer until my twilight years (and we’re not talking vampires and werewolves).

There is also the consideration that my best days are what I make them to be. Every day, every moment, could be the best of my life if I choose to make it that way. Perhaps it is all just a matter of perception.

Hiking

Yesterday there was no blog post and for very good reason. I was up at 0530h, out of the house by 0700h-ish and I wasn't home again til 0100h. That's right, I was literally gone all day.

And where was I?

Well I was invited by a friend to join her and another person on a bit of a wander around Banff National Park and, more specifically, Lake Louise. Having never actually been to Lake Louise, I said yes - of course.

We went to the Columbia Icefields, we hiked up to Fairview Viewpoint (which is quite literally UP) and then a leisurely walk on that goes to the far end of the lake from the hotel.

It was nice to know that even though I haven't been running lately, I am in half decent shape. I was able to keep a good pace, but since I quickly outpaced those I was with, I had to stop and wait a lot. Then I had a "brilliant" plan on the hike to the viewpoint.

I would run up the mountain until I started to get winded...then I waited and did it again. It was good fun and great exercise. It makes me hopeful that if I can ever find someone to backpack with me, I might have the chance to hit the back country.

Heck, I have a wonderful weekend trip all pre-planned for Waterton. Easy hike to the camp, a circle loop the next day up a mountain and then an easy hike back out on day three. I want to do it so bad! But, I digress.

While in the park we experienced an entire year of weather. Snow, Rain, Sun, Hail and High Winds were around a different parts of the day. It was great fun. I got wet, I got muddy and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Pictures are to come of course.

Now, I need to go to bed because I spent all day procrastinating and now I have to try to get up early to get done the things that need to be done before I go to work tomorrow.

New Computers

Last night, I procrastinated. I did do some dishes, but that pretty much covers it. Which means tonight I have to make both banana bread and apple spice muffins for my hike tomorrow. I’m going to Lake Louise and Banff for the day. I’m quite excited about it.

Of course I have a HUGE distraction sitting right in front of me. Not the internet, but something related. Today, at work, I purchased two of our old computers for $25 apiece. We were auctioning them off. They’re not even that old. Out of those two computers and my old one at home, I am going to build myself a new computer.

What am I going to do with the leftover parts you may ask? Simple, I’m going to build my dad a new computer as a belated birthday gift. I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate a new computer. He seems to have so many issues with his old one.

I want so much to go straight home and start playing with parts, mixing and matching until I’m sure I have something that I am going to love. Then I’d want to play with. Change the settings and get it to exactly where I want it.

Then I would need to build the computer for my dad, but that would be nowhere near as urgent to me. I can see me wasting the entire night on just the one computer.

But I have things that need to get done. At least the blog post is out of the way, but I still have do dishes and bake and then do the baking dishes. Then I have package up baked goods for the trip tomorrow. Fill my water bottle and make sure everything is ready for an early start.

Oh, and I need to get some groceries. I’m all out of cheese and I have no idea what I am going to do for lunches next week. Maybe some celery soup? Lol. I have lots of celery for some odd reason. Still, groceries can really wait for Sunday.

Still, can’t wait to build my new computer. So excited. Can you tell?

KickTheHabit and Goals

So, I’ve made a chore and activities list. I contemplated a calendar style and a list style, but I think the list style won out on this one. I’m going to give it a trial usage and see how it works for me. I’m not sure I’ve covered everything on my list. I’m sure there is more I can add to it. Suggestions are, of course, more than welcome.



Yeah, that is an excel spreadsheet. I’ll print off a copy to pin to….my front door? Will that be a good place to put it? Maybe, we’ll give it a try and see. If I had a laminator I would laminate it so I could use erasable marker on it. Guess it’ll just have to be pencil and eraser instead.

Since yesterday was my start on not procrastinating so much, I did manage to tackle a few things on my to do list. I baked 3 dozen or so cookies (if you can’t be skinny make your co-workers fat), I did some dishes and, as you can see above, I made my chore and activity checklist. I didn’t get to scrubbing down the bathroom or doing my laundry. I had a nap instead, but still, I accomplished some of the items on my list.
I really wish I had a white board style so that I can add special tasks at the bottom that need to be completed; special tasks that I only do every once in a while. Like making three flavours of sorbet before my family get here. Packing for a trip is another task I have coming up. Baking goodies for a day out with friends. Those sorts of things have their places, but sometimes I need reminding of them so that I am not doing everything last minute.

So that about wraps it up for my follow up to yesterday’s post Procrastination.

Now, on a whole other note (but not really), I had the random thought that if this task and activities list works out well for me, why don’t I try a goal list? This would be slightly more long term and will have a lot more fluctuation in it. A way of keeping track of progress on things I want to do.

I always have tonnes ideas and things I want to do, but sometimes I just get distracted and end up not doing what I really want. Like going to San Fran on my own. I still really want to do that. Getting free of all my debt…every last penny. Small goals too, like getting a steam cleaner for my couch or a bike, or a limited-speed motorcycle (whole other story there). Finishing my novel would be on there as well.

I could keep it as not just a list, but as a progress chart. You know, like the kind they use for fundraisers where the goal is a specific amount (like to fly to San Francisco). Something where I show some real progress. I can track it and feel good about my progress or guilty about my lack of progress.

I think, what I’m trying to get at is giving myself a more focused life and lifestyle. I don’t want to 40 and wonder what I’ve been doing for the last 10 years. I don’t want to have to start wondering about why I never did manage to do ‘this’ or ‘that’. I want to be able to go, I did ‘this’ or I did ‘that’ or, ‘I’m still on track for doing it’.

Now chalk another one up for my goal to fight procrastination. Once again I used my free lunch hour to write my blog post instead of leaving it until the last minute. I’m so proud of myself.

Procrastination

"Until you value yourself, you will not value your time.
Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." ~ M. Scott Peck

I will be the first to admit that I have an issue with procrastination. Every morning when I wake up I make a mental to-do list. It’s not a long list. It’s not full of a few large tasks. In fact, it’s a perfectly reasonable list.

While at work, I rework the list for when I get home from work. This is, of course, after I promptly ignore the list of tasks that I have assigned myself to do during my hour long lunch break. Although, to be honest, I sometimes get the things I wanted to get done during my break done. More often than not, I don’t. Especially if the task is working on my novel. 
When I get home, sometimes I manage to get a task or two done from my list, but mostly I don’t. I distract myself, I play at something. I watch a movie or read a book – sometimes to the point of neglecting my own dinner.

Yes, it’s fair to say that I have a problem with procrastination.

Every now and again I take a stab at trying to conquer this particular dragon. Obviously, I’ve been pretty unsuccessful at this. I have decided that it is time for me to, yet again, take up the sword and shield and kill the damned dragon once and for all.

The only question is how?

So far my best thought is of creating myself a checklist; a daily, weekly and monthly to do list. Leaving some time for fun, of course. A set of rules would be useful too. Guidelines on how my checklist system works. Such as, the computer cannot be turned on until X is completed.

At the same time, I know there needs to be some room for flexibility. There is a fine line to walk between rigid structure and too much wiggle room to allow for procrastination. Every day cannot be so full of tasks that I have no time do something I enjoy.

There also needs to be space to add unexpected tasks. For example, I love to cook and my friends sometimes take advantage of this and I’ll unexpectantly be cooking for company. Sometimes I spend an entire weekend away from home as well. These weekends are nice, but the tasks that need to be completed at home won’t get done if I’m not there. They still need to be done, but I’ll need to fit the task in elsewhere.

There seems to be so much to consider that I almost want to procrastinate on trying to end my procrastination.

The logical advice is take small steps, break the task up. In other words, I need to torture the dragon to death. It sounds very macabre when I put it that way! Still, it’s what I need to do to kill it and keep it dead. It’s amazing how well the procrastination dragon can revive itself when you thought it dead and buried.

So where do I start? Any suggestions? How do I go about killing the dragon slowly and forming the good habits I’ve always wanted to have in my life, but have put off doing for so long?

Should I start with my checklist idea? Create a checklist of tasks/chores that need to be completed on a daily, weekly and monthly schedule? Where do I put this list to make sure I am constantly reminded of my tasks? How am I to hold myself accountable for these tasks?

So many questions to which I am sure there must be good answers, but I don’t know these answers. So I turn to you for help and advice. I must start tonight of course. If I put it off for too long I may just put it off forever.

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As a part of starting now, I didn't leave my blog post until I was too tired to write and just wanted to go to bed. Hopefully that means this is much more interesting and makes far more sense then most of my posts do!

Dream a little dream

I've been thinking a lot lately about something I've always wanted to do. It's expensive, it requires at least one other person, but it would be so much fun.

You see, I've always wanted to travel across Canada and not just in the typical sense. I wanted to make a real journey about it, it would be involved and complicated, but so worth it in the end.

The trip starts with two things - a website and a facebook group. The facebook group would be dedicated to having people tell us what is so great about the town they live in, why we should visit it, what sort of attractions there are to see. Nothing to big or too small.

The website would be set up with a journal, a map displaying where we've been and where we are currently, videos and pictures about where we've been and of course, the biography of the two (or more) people taking part in the journey.

A real documentation of Canada. Every little town, the people that live in those towns and things that not everyone gets to see.

It's on my to do list of things, should I ever win the lottery (unlikely). It is a project that would, most likely, never be finished because I would love to be able to try to visit every town, city and village possible...and well, this is a pretty big country.

With the right promotion it could be something grand. I'd love to even have a part where I can ask people all over this country what it means to them to be Canadian. What they love about their town, their province and their country....whether they were born here or chose to make it their home.

Of course, now I've posted this here which means someone who has the money and time could steal the idea from me. Ah well, it's an idea worth sharing.

Today's post is brought to you by....

ap·a·thy/ˈapəTHē/
Noun: Lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

That will be all.

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Okay, I lied. In truth I'm just tired and I'm going to try to go to bed early, but I doubt it'll do any good. Sleep is just not being good to me lately. Maybe one day I'll do something about it...like maybe get married because I always sleep better cuddled up with someone.

Of course I have to actually find the rare individual that I like enough to let in and that also wants to spend their life with me. Finding those two things together is a next to impossible task I'm afraid. However, nothing it is not completely impossible and therefore, a chance remains.

Day at the Zoo

Today I went to the Calgary Zoo with some friends. Zoos have the ability to make me both sad and happy at the same time. I'm sure you can figure out why. I thought I would be nice and share a few of my edited photos with you. At least, the ones I enjoy.


I watched this small boy carefully approach a butterfly because he wanted it to land on his hand. He was so patient and so careful....and so adorable.


This is one of those pictures that make me sad. Of course she was probably thinking "How do I get out of here and to those delicious looking creatures out there?"


Whooping Crane taking a little break from preening to look at me and wondering why I was talking to it.


Did you know that giraffes had such long tongues? This picture doesn't even show the half of it!


And all around the park were signs like this. I took a picture of a lot of them, thought I'd share this one here.


Of course the boy and the butterfly is the only one I really altered (colouration). As soon as I saw him I knew exactly what do do with the picture. I haven't put much thought to any of the others! Sorry.

Waldosia

Today was the day of our company summer party - which was cancelled. It's pouring down rain and very windy. So instead of drinking and golfing and being around people, I'm home alone. Again.

Being home alone usually means I start thinking too much about things I prefer not to think of. It's one of the reasons I like to lose myself in movies, books, anything really.

Thinking too much isn't a bad thing, but thinking too much about the things that make you sad can never be good. All it does is make you feel sadder than you were before.

I came across an entry in something called The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.

waldosia
n. [Brit. wallesia] a condition characterized by scanning faces in a crowd looking for a specific person who would have no reason to be there, which is your brain’s way of checking to see whether they’re still in your life, subconsciously patting its emotional pockets before it leaves for the day.

I'm not even sure if it's a real word, but I do know that feeling well. I've experienced it before. All too often. It most often occurs when I am longing desperately to see someone that I know I won't be seeing anytime soon. Someone who is on the verge or has just slipped out of my life.

Of course, when I don't see them, even though I know I won't, I can't help but feel disappointed. Sometimes just a glance is all I want. I reminder of what I can't have. I glance of what I have lost.

Or maybe I just like inflicting pain on myself.

A few of the Q

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

I don’t think it is. Even if you only challenge it with a single question in your mind rather than accept it out right, you still need to question. You still need to contemplate it before you can truly accept it as the truth.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

Not yet.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Yeah, I remember it. I’ll never forget it. I won’t go into details, but it ended with me having to break my own heart because that was the best thing I could do. Even today, the memory of that heartbreak and the events leading up to it are a shadow over every relationship that I allow myself to become involved in. It is a constant reminder that love is never “all you need”.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

That is a really hard question for me to answer. I’ve forgotten a lot of childhood because a lot of it wasn’t that great, but there are a few good memories that stand out for me for different reasons. The one I will never forget is the day my dad took the training wheels off my bike. I spent all day riding my cousin’s bike up and down our gravel driveway till my dad agreed that I could ride well enough to take the training wheels off my own bike. It reminds me always that if I try really hard, I will succeed. I was determined to get those training wheels off and no one believed I’d be able to do it so quickly. I showed them, didn’t I?

Another day....

I had plans to write an article about the riots in Vancouver, but I haven't had the time to do the proper research for it. Even though this is the first day this week with no overtime at work, that doesn't mean it has no been eventful.

A few things happened today that knocked me off my typical path. First, my best friend called to tell me that she had started getting labour pains. According to her doctor, she can expected to go into full labour sometime this weekend. It's a bit early, but the baby is already over 7lbs and has a really strong heartbeat. None of us are worried.

Then, one of the few people in my office that I had taken the effort to befriend left today. Apparently, unbeknownst to anyone else in our office, she had given notice. May 30th was to be her last day, but whatever the reason she decided to leave, it was not on the best of terms. And they paid her out for the time left.

Considering that we are already somewhat short handed at work, it looks like we are going to have a very busy summer. Lots of OT, but that just means that if I can bank enough hours I might be able to take two weeks over Christmas for a real trip home.

So that was my day, but it's not over yet. I still need to do dishes and make rice krispie squares for a work thing. I'll probably just do the squares tomorrow. It's already late as it is.

We didn't deserve it.

Before I get into what I want to talk about, you may notice that there is no post for yesterday. I will not apologize for this. Yes, I am doing NaBloPoMo, but I will not count yesterday as a failure because I didn't even turn on a computer beyond what was required for my job. It felt good. People should do that more often.

Now that that is out of the way. What I want to really talk about.

Vancouver did not deserve to win the Stanley Cup. I say this as true Canucks fan. Boston deserved it because they actually showed up to play. The only player who showed up for the Canucks was Luongo. Wait, stop booing and I'll explain.

Going into the playoffs I was convinced that after long last, this would be our year. Finally we would get to bring home the Stanley Cup. We had a good team, a great goalie. Vancouver seemed unstoppable.

Then came Boston. At the time, I was confident in saying that we had the better team. We had the more consistent team. Boston had a great goalie and they relied on him too much. They had a couple of good lines, but they couldn't really count on their third and fourth line. They weren't as fast and didn't play as physical a game as Vancouver.

I really thought we had their number. Unfortunately, the Canucks did what they do best. They fell apart. Some of it was due to injuries, lost players. We struggled with our defence, trying to put together a workable line with so many players benched.

Other than Horton (who was taken out by Rome, but that is another topic for another day), Boston was playing relatively injury free.

It seemed that as soon as the defence began to fall apart, the forwards could no longer do their job. They lost all confidence. Partially understandable, Vancouver's defencemen often play fairly aggressively and were more often than not very key in scoring goals and scoring chances.

During Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals I saw it start to happen about halfway through the first period. They allowed themselves to go with nothing more than a token fight. The forwards failed to pick up the few rebounds that Tim Thomas allowed. They allowed too many turnovers.

In Game 7, I couldn't fault Luongo for the few goals that went in while he was on net. Mostly, it was his teammates that let him down. They didn't play their best game. This was a crucial one, and they never even bothered to show, leaving their goalie hanging. Luongo did a good job and I will curse out any Vancouverite who dares to try and throw him under the bus. Vancouver is not a city that is kind to its goalies, but Luongo was the only Canuck to really show up tonight.

I know he won't read this, but I hope he doesn't spend too much crying into his beer. He should hold his head up knowing that he did the best. Hopefully the rest of the team will take the time to apologize to him for not bothering to show and play....with maybe the exception of Malhotra. He's still recovering as far as I am concerned.

That is the opinion of this Canucks fan....and even that of my best friend. We did not deserve this Stanley Cup.

Congratulations Boston. You earned it.

I lied.

So, I lied. I'm sorry. It was unintentional. If you follow me on twitter, you may already be aware of the fact that I didn't sleep last night. Not, I only got a few hours, but I seriously did not sleep.

I've made it through my work day. I've made it through another disappointing hockey game. Sadly, I do think I could make it through a blog post, but I would like very much to try to get some sleep.

Because sleep is important. If I can't manage to sleep tonight, I will have no choice, but to cancel my date tomorrow. Which is probably fine because I don't really want to go anyway.

Still. Sleep. I must try to sleep.

better tomorrow

I had an entire article planned about why Sunday is my favorite day of the week. Then I got distracted.

I then planned an article regarding writing and editing. Then I got distracted.

Now I don't even bloody well feel like writing anything in my blog because I've spent the last several hours working out a sticky plot situation....only to be stuck on the plot for the third book of the series and wonder how I could set it up better to make the third book work out.

So, I am tired...of thinking, of writing and just plain ol' tired as well. I have a pretty good feeling that I'll be brain-dead when I go to work tomorrow as well. I'm usually already in bed by now on work nights. Not to mention the two pots of coffee I've had today.

So, in short, you get nothing, but this whiny little blog post. Sorry about that. I'll try to do better tomorrow. I promise.

Never as Planned

Although I am the first to declare that I really don't have much of a life outside of work, somehow my weekends fill up all too quickly. Every now and then I try to keep a weekend free so that I can just chill for a bit, clean my apartment etc.

This was to be one of those weekends. No plans. Just me, hanging about my place, doing whatever. I had a few things I wanted to accomplish, but the hours were free after that. Some webdesign work, some writing, do a load ro two of laundry and finish making the living area look "perfect".

My Saturday started late because even though I woke up at 06h38h, I didn't bother to actually get out of bed till much later. Then I did some dishes, cleaned out the fridge and made myself breakfast. In that order.

I got a call telling me about a friend’s rugby game today so I made a minor adjustment to my plan to allow for some time to watch the game. I'd just work on the websites later.

An hour later, I get a call from another friend, the wife of my buddy who was playing the game later. She asked to borrow some blankets because it was colder than she expected and she had her girls rugby that she coaches at the Jr. High coming to watch a few games.

I said it wasn't a problem, of course, and she responded that that was good because she was at my front door waiting to be let in. So instead of waiting a couple of hours to go I went and watched an extra game.

Instead of going straight home afterwards to catch up on lost time, I ended up taking another friend who had joined us later at the game to a new place downtown. It's a coffee shop....and more. We had some chips from the chip truck and some Italian sodas from the bus and watched the people from the top of the double decker. Erm, the bus is the coffee shop.

Then instead of going home after that, we ended up going shopping because she was going to one of the few places I could get my Bangkok Curry instant rice noodles (by Thai Kitchen). So I couldn't say no. It wasn't a store that was normally convenient for me to go to.

Of course, while shopping, I some great sales and I ended up picking up a new $30 jacket for only $3. That's right. I got it for 10% of the original price. Finally, after that, I got to go home. Much later than I had wanted to be home. I finally finished watching the movie I had been in the middle of watching when I left to go to the rugby game.

Of course, when all was said and done, the hour was much later than what I would have preferred. Nothing that I had wanted to accomplish today had been done and now I have to use up my Sunday to do it all.

But that's okay. It was a darned good day. I enjoyed it a lot. It always kinda surprising what can happen when things never go as planned.

Oh yeah, and in the middle of writing this I heard a loud crash outside. I went to investigate because I am a good concerned (oh alright, overly curious) citizen. Apparently, someone had run into the road closed sign. The one with the big flashing light on it. Go figure.

Stumbling & Clicking

I will admit that I love to stumble. I use it as a way to pass the time. I stumble over many an interesting thing. And if I really like it, I'll tweet or facebook it. Of course if I shared everything I liked, people would quickly get annoyed with me. So I am selective in my shares.

Oh wait, when I say I enjoy stumbling, maybe I should clarify. StumbleUpon is what I'm referring to. It is a way to "stumble" randomly around the web so that you can "trip" over interesting websites.

If you've never done it, it can become addicting. I'm warning you now. If it wasn't for my non-addictive personality, I'd probably be on the site a lot more.

You choose a list of interests and it brings up websites that it has tagged of being something you'd be interested in. You can like the pages or dislike if you want. The menu bar that remains at the top of the screen makes it easy to share your finds.

I love quotes: http://pinterest.com/penelope11/quotes/

I love food and humour: http://www.examiner.com/comedy-in-national/coolest-s-mores-ever-picture

I love photography: http://1x.com/OEfullSize/35064-fullsize.jpg

I like reading writing advice: http://www.thinkingandmaking.com/view/more-tips-for

There is a lot more things that I like, but those are just a few random pages that came up at the point where I felt like adding links.

So, I am a stumbler. Do you stumble?

The Power of One

The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay is one of my favorite books ever. If you've never read it, I highly recommend it. A story of struggle and triumph on more than just the personal scale.

I first read the book when I was in high school on the recommendation of a socials teacher. She lent me her copy. I read it and I loved it and I keep re-reading it.

I've always been told that there was a movie of it as well. I was told that the movie really wasn't that good. Just now, 14 years later, I've finally seen the movie and it wasn't that bad. I've seen worse (the night I was forced to watch Stepbrothers comes quickly to mind).

I can say that it is ever so loosely based upon the book. The message is there but it lacks the character development and a truly cohesive plot. I always imagined that it would be difficult to really transform this book into a movie. The message is too deep to really put it in a movie format without making it far too long.

The movie was a jumble of scenes from the book, not always in the exact same order the book had them in and it showed. It really did feel as if they took a few key scenes and filled in some blanks to make it look like they had a plot.

I guess I'm a little hard on movies, but I enjoy watching them enough that it has to be particularly horrendous for me to just plain hate. even a movie I enjoy watching will often get picked apart since I am a sucker for character development and plot.

Although after picking a part Thor to a friend of mine her response was "Well, it's really just a movie that you watch for the eye candy. Plot and character development come second to that."

PS - if this made any sense, I'll be amazed. I woke up at 2am this morning. That's right. Still not sleeping well. :(

Dear Canucks;

Boston has been unkind to my heart. Watching the last two games of the Stanley Cup Playoffs has been horrid. The first two games I had hope that we could do it, that we could with the cup. I didn't want this to be a repeat of that tragic '94 playoff run.

I wanted to seem my team win for the first time ever. I want to see it so bad. And Boston has been unkind to that wish. And thus, my heart is breaking.

We come back to Vancouver on the next game and I hope things change for us on home ice. I want to see my team do much better than what the last two games have shown me.

I will not give up hope. I will not give up hope. I will not give up hope.

Go Canucks Go!

Sincerely,

A Fan.

Sleep and the Future

I have no excuses for my lack of preparedness for tonight's blog post. The best I can offer you is that I haven't been sleeping well. The last two nights have been hard on me in terms of sleep and I am VERY tired.

In fact, I'm almost at the point where I don't even want to bother trying to sleep because I know it will just leave me feeling tired in the morning anyway. I begin to feel "What is the point?" and "Sleep is just a waste of time".

Of course, I know sleep is a good thing and useful, but still... Ah well.

In other news my BFF, Liz, drove into to town today. A 6 hour drive. Her and her BF bought a new trailer out here and came to pick it up, as well as visit. She's pregnant with her first and due in just three weeks. It was a great little visit, even if it had to be far too short.

And of course, my nephew is already an uncooperative brat. He has never once kicked for me. Since the next time I will see Liz is after my nephew is born, I guess I'll never get to feel him kick.

I'm already planning our first of many trips. This one to Disneyland when he's old enough to appreciate it. Of course, really I'm going because I really want to go to Disneyland. The kid is really just a clever excuse.

I can't wait to be able to take him places and show him things. The only thing that really sucks is that he will be several hours away and I don't drive. That is going to have to change soon. Of course, even if it did, I can't afford a vehicle. :(.

So that is what is going on in my life right now. Everything else is in the usual holding pattern. The same ol' same ol' boringness.

Oh Monday - Why You Be So Cruel?

A long day at work followed by a very disappointing night of hockey? Yeah, I'm a bit drained. Looks like it's two days in a row of nothing, but filler.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

I would like to say yes. I have been the kind of friend I would want as a friend. Maybe not all the time, but I still try and I know there are moments where I would have been proud to have me as a friend.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

I’ve been in both situations and losing touch with someone who is still physically close to you is worse. There are so many ways to stay in touch even if you are physically far apart, but to lose a friend when you could have tried to do something – that just plain sucks.

25. What are you most grateful for?

The fact that I have such great people in my life who love me for who I am. They will cheer when I succeed and no matter what, I know they are there for me. There is nothing quite as great as unconditional love.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

This is probably one of the hardest questions so far. I have so many memories I would hate to lose and some I would love to lose. It wouldn’t change who the essential me was, but it would change a lot about me. Then again, if I can’t form new memories than I would never be able to grow and change. I guess I would rather lose the old ones.

OMG! It's the Life List!

I poured my heart and soul into somewhere else tonight. So you are getting some more from the list. It's been a bit since I've posted from the list.

30. Go Kite Boarding
I saw this sport on TV once and it looked like so much fun. I don’t ever have to be good at it, but just once I’d like to give it a try.

31. Go Hang Gliding
You hardly ever hear anyone mention this anymore and sometimes I wonder if anyone ever does it anymore, but I know someone does and I want to try it myself. Just floating on the breezes, flying like the birds.

32. Learn to Snowboard
I’ve been skiing all my life, but I’ve never really had the opportunity to learn to snowboard. One of these years I will sacrifice my knees and butt to learning the art of the snowboard. Maybe if I can figure this one out, I’ll have an easier time with surfing?

33. Live in a different country
Just for a few months. Work if I can, or just learn if I can’t. My sister had the chance to live in England for a couple of years and I envy her that experience. I’ve always wanted to try and live in another country, but make no mistake – Canada is my home.

34. Go to a Ball
Fancy dresses, dancing and champagne. A night of looking good and feeling like a princess in a fairytale – glass slipper optional. I don’t care where the ball is, but just once I’d like to be in a place where everyone looks stunning and everyone is dancing. (High school prom didn’t count)

Speaking of fans,,,,

NaBloPoMo has the theme of fans. I thought of a few topics on that subject, but not much I really wanted to post about. Except now I don't have an option because...

I am a hockey fan.

Okay, not a particularly devout fan, but when my team makes it to the playoffs, I start watching the games. Before, I follow off and on, mostly online. Of course, for the first time since 1994, my team is playing in the Stanley Cup FINALS.

And the game is going into OT. I will watch until they score...even if it means three periods of OT. I'll watch every minute of it.

So I can't really do much since I am between periods, I have limited typing time. And I haven't had dinner yet. So, I need to make something to eat and be ready for the next period.

I even have a brand new movie, Touch of Pink all loaded up and ready to watch. Dang it. I really wanted to watch it. It looked interesting.*le sigh*

Maybe I'll still watch it....but that will make for one late night and I was up early.

-----------

And the Canucks scored 11 seconds into the OT, so, ummmmm, sorry, this is all you get because I still want to watch my movie!

TGIF

Something goes here.

Right here.

I think it's supposed to be some sort of words that are strung together in a meaningful way. Those words will form sentences and those sentences will coalesce into paragraphs and finally, those paragraphs will amalgamate to become a story of sorts. Either fiction or non-fiction.

If my brain was switched into the on position that is exactly what I would be posting instead of meaningless drivel. Then again, the world seems to thrive on meaningless drivel.

Of course, even such meandering phrases can become a story of sorts as well. Of course, it is a story that lacks any coherency, beginning or end, but that kind of makes it like life, doesn't it?

So, on this wondrous Friday night. As I dream of being pain-free and well-rested, you will find little to meaning or reason in these words. They are just that. Words, strung together like pearls on a string, but when you look really close, you can see the lines on the pearls that tells you they're really just made of plastic.

And now you can all wonder just what sort of painkillers that doc has got me on. tee hee.

Phone Persona

So here I am, fresh back from watching a real movie in a real cinema and I am looking up blogging prompts because i don't know what to write. I don't really want to write about the movie I saw because I know someone who JUST did a review of the very same movie.

I think I'll keep it short.

I got a very interesting compliment relayed to me this morning. I was told that, when I am on the phone, I treat the person on the other end as if they were my long lost best friend. The person said that it made him feel very comfortable talking to me.

I thought about it a bit and when I'm on the phone I really am all rainbows and sunshine with the other person as though they are someone I've known for years. It's odd. Over the phone I really seem like a warm, friendly and outgoing person. which really isn't the case. It's just a persona I put on.

I'm not saying that I'm not really like that in person on occasion. I'm just saying that I pick up the phone and I'm your best friend. I listen, I chat and most people seem to really appreciate it.

Perhaps I should exercise that persona more often in real life. She's such a great person, but man, is it ever exhausting to be that happy and bloody optimistic all the time!

Something to think about the next time I'm on the phone with someone. I might just wonder if what I am hearing over the line is just a phone persona that someone uses while at work or is it a real person I'm hearing? Who is this person on the other end of the line?

Okay, time to go take my pain killers and pass out now!

NaBloPoMo - Again!

One day into NaBloPoMo and I've already failed. Of course, I'll be back posting this so as not to appear to have failed.

The reason for my failure so early in the game? Well, there are multiple reasons. I'll list them for you.

1. The Hocky Game - Canucks vs. Bruins - Game on of the Stanley Cup Finals.
   
2. Pain and Lack of Sleep - Yeah, I was exhausted and I dragged myself off to bed as soon as the game was over. I hurt my foot a little bit ago and the pain has been making it hard to sleep.
   
3. I really have no other reasons, but since I said multiple reasons I wanted a list that was longer than two items.
   
4. Oh, almost forgot, wait...no...that's not an excuse. Nevermind.

However, I will start on my June 2 entry as soon as I get home from my 'date' tonight. So long as I don't collapse in to an exhausted heap again.

So blogging prompts are welcome to keep me writing...and hey, I still have items left to post from the Life List and 50 Q's. Ha! Filler posts here we come. lol

Oh, and sorry for the long absence. I get easily distracted by life.

Proud. Strong.

Off and on throughout my life I have considered a career in the Canadian Armed Forces. I'm not even sure why the idea appeals to me, although I do consider myself to be a fairly patriotic person.

Recently, I've been reconsidering the notion. Here I am at 30, wondering if it's too late for me to join. Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it'll always be something I'll wonder at.

Am I foolish to consider such a notion?

A toast - to running.

Yesterday I ran a half marathon. For those unfamiliar, that means I ran a total distance of 21.1km or 13.1 miles. Not a small distance. I've run a few 10K's in races or on my own, but I had never attempted such a distance before.

I finished in 3h22m. I had hoped for 3h15m, but what I achieved was close enough. I'm happy with the result.

To be bluntly honest, I'm really not in the greatest shape. I'm overweight, I have joint issues and a condition called tarsal tunnel syndrome which is a painful condition in my feet....one that doesn't get better.

Still, I wanted to do this race. My biggest goal was just to finish. The fact that I finished close to target really made me happy. Of course, I am crippled today. My TTS has flared up and I can barely walk from room to room in my tiny apartment.

Still, it was worth it. I'm going to do the race again next year. In fact, on June 5 I have another 10K race coming up. I'm hoping I've healed somewhat by then, but I'll be taking it easy this week. I need to be able to stay on my feet to run a 10K.

I like running though. Even if it's on the list of activities that I really shouldn't be doing. I like the challenge. I love the fact that it really is a full body workout. Most of all, it makes me feel good about myself.

So, here is to running, may it take me places I've never been before.

The Second Draft

Like always, I've been distracted by the wonders of real life concerns. Not that I've really had a lot of them, but I do have them. Lately, I picked up the first draft of my 2009 NaNo Novel. At one point I had started to edit it, then I stopped. It was time to start again. I had the urge.

I've already re-written the majority of the first chapter and made minor adjustments to the next few. As of this moment I am in the middle of touching up chapter 5. It's one of the chapters that turned out almost exactly how I wanted it.

Even though I wrote this novel well over a year ago, I still know it fairly well without the need to re-read. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I actually have a really good memory for these sorts of things.

Within two chapters time, I know I need to start weaving in a subplot that becomes much more substantial than I had thought it would when I had originally written it. I'm kind of excited about this second draft.

Once it's done, I'll be re-reading it and making notes of any more changes that are required. I think after that, then I will be looking to my friends for the small favour of honest feedback.

When I first wrote it, I felt as though this was something I could possibly publish and I feel that way even more now. We'll see when I get the feedback. If I can find people willing to give critical feedback.

And the silence was deafening...

I wanted so much to blog for the last few weeks, but I was just stuck. I couldn't seem to write anything. Not even a blog post. I tried a few times, I really did, but I got nothing. In fact, I still have nothing. I'm not even sure why I'm posting.

Maybe I just wanted to say hello.

I got my ukulele and it's harder than I thought, but I'm working on it. Work is great, personal life is...well personal. I almost feel like I have a social life. Date on Friday night and West Edmonton Mall on Saturday. If things go well, I get my toe shoes (Vibram Five Fingers).

It's finally starting to defrost in the great white north. I'm thinking it only started to warm up when the hot air from the election campaign! lol.

It's late and I should go to bed so I can try to get up early and get some exercise in the morning. Still, a part of me just wants to stay up forever, but work is so slow with spring breakup that I'd end up drooling on my keyboard if I didn't get enough sleep.

So, the silence is now broken. Let's hope I can figure out this writing thing again soon.

A Quote to Share

Today I was stumbling as I often do when I can't think of anything better to do. In other words, I want to write, but lack the motivation. Which happens a lot lately, but I digress. I was stumbling and found this quote by Neil Gaiman that I find myself in almost total agreement with.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

As someone who tends to keep people at an arms length, I really understand exactly where he is coming from. Once I let someone in I am much more vulnerable than I would ever let on.

It's something to remember. Sometimes, the people you think are the strongest are just the ones that are good at building walls. You may not know those walls are there because they may never show you....and when they hurt, you may never know it either, but that hurt is going to be so much deeper because they're not used to being hurt.

What I disagree with is the "I hate love". I hate what love can do to a person when things go wrong, but love itself is not something to be hated. It's just something to approached ever so cautiously...and the more one is hurt, the more cautiously it is approached.

I Love My Job

I'm always saying that I love my job. If you haven't read that here before then I'll say it again "I love my job".

Part of it is the people I work with. I do have a great set of co-workers for the most part. Part of it is the fact that I get paid decently to do a pretty easy (to me) job. Mostly though, it's those little perks.

Cakes on birthdays, lunch days, flexible time off, RRSP contributions, and time off with pay just because. For example, today is International Womens Day (and the start of Mardi Gras) so all the women got to leave an hour early with pay and go to the bar for a drink on the company's tab. Not too shabby eh?

Things like that actually happen fairly frequently. Not to mention the company christmas and summer parties. All booze provided in seemingly limitless quantities. Yeah, the perks are great.

How often can someone say that they love their job? That they actually like to go to work? There are better paying jobs, there are more interesting jobs, but this company definitely seems to be a "one in a million" kind of deal.

Of course, if you're on a diet, my company is a bad place to work with all the sugary treats that make their way inside! lol

Face the Challenge

for those who know me well, they know a few things about me and religion. I am not exactly a religious person. I don't go to church and I don't often talk about what I believe unless someone asks. I also don't exactly follow the holidays either. Especially ones like Lent.

However, this seems to be a year of me challenging myself. I have a marathon (okay, half marathon), I'm teaching myself to play the ukulele, I'm trying to focus on my writing more (and sadly failing currently) and I am trying to get my life in the right gear.

So when the topic of giving stuff up for Lent came up in the light of Ash Wednesday this week I thought that perhaps another challenge was in order. It appears that I will be giving up all refined sugars between tomorrow and Easter. Thankfully, Easter is the weekend before my birthday so I still get to have my birthday cake!

This is the first time in my almost 30 years that I've actually taken part in Lent. I guess there is a first for everything.

Oh...and as a side note, I have finally purchased my ukulele. I have no idea how long it'll take to get here, but I should have it before the end of the month! Yay!

Congrats

A bouncing baby girl was born today. My best friend's little brother is now a father only months before he gets to become an uncle. Pretty cool, eh? They don't read this blog and I doubt they ever will, but I still send out my congratulations to them.

I don't know if this little girl will know just how much of a positive effect she has had on lives of the people within her family. I sincerely hope that the positive changes, that she has unintentionally brought about by just being, continue to grow and multiply.

And, no, I'm not explaining that last paragraph to you. One, it'll take too long and two, I am in a lot of pain. My wrist is on fire again and I want to stop typing...

.....now.....

Finally

The last day of NaBloPoMo. *whew* And I didn't resort to my back up posts too often! Not so shabby. However, I am tired and sore and well...just not in the mood. So the last day of the month is going to be filler. Sorry folks.

Today's filler is courtesy of the Life List.

24. Get Married
Hey, it’s not for everyone, but I want it someday. Marriage is very important to me and it is something I only ever want to do once. So although I want it, I am willing to wait for this as well. If it never happens, well then I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

25. Stay in the underwater hotel
Not for everyone, but this one of those things that would be fun to talk about at a dinner party. “On my last vacation I slept with the fish.” “You did what?” “I stayed at an underwater hotel. It was fabulous.” “You stayed at an underwater hotel? Wow.” And so goes the conversation.

26. Take an African Safari
Another typical thing to find on a list like this, but for those of us who only get to see these creatures in a zoo, this would be well worth our while. Me and my camera will be more than happy to be there and we promise, we’ll share our photos.

27. Take an Unplanned Vacation
Catch a plane to some other country with no hotel room, no itinerary, no plans. Just pack up and go. It would be an exercise in the unexpected. Things could go horribly wrong or unbelievably right, either way it’ll be fun to talk about.

28. Drink Vodka in Russia
And see it of course, but if you’re going to drink vodka, then this is the place to do it. Beluga caviar and vodka. Not to mention that there is so much to see!

29. Learn to Sail
As in a sailing ship. It doesn’t have to be big and fancy, just enough for me to know what sailing is all about. Maybe then I can sail off into the sunset in a picturesque scene.

The Training Run

Today was the day of the big run. It wasn't exactly the 10K that we were hoping to do, but it was still a pretty good indicator of what our time on the half marathon might look like. In total we ran about 7.5 km in the hour that we were at the track.

That means, in my current condition, I would be able to finish the half marathon in 3-3.5hrs. Not too bad, but I want to do better. Dee thinks we can finish in 2hrs, which would be great, but I am just aiming for under 3hrs myself.

My problem at this moment isn't toning my muscles, it's my lungs. I knew they would be my weak spot and I was right. My lungs are holding me back from being able to do better. I need to build my cardio.

There are some breathing exercises that I can do to help, but the biggest thing will to just get my lungs working harder. Tomorrow I am stopping by the rec centre downtown. It's only $24 for a month membership and they open at 5:30am on weekdays. So long as I am home by 7am at the latest, I'll have no trouble making it to work on time still.

Speaking of exercise, I'm going to do some crunches before hitting the hay early tonight. I want to make sure that I'll be able to get up in time to go check out the gym before work.

Oh...and in other news, I finally got to see Score: A Hockey Musical. The only thing it seemed to be missing was a Tim Hortons reference, but it was amusing, not great, but enjoyable all the same. :)

Days Go By

I was supposed to go for a 10K run today, but I didn't for very good reason. It was warmer today - which was great, but it was snowing like crazy. The wet, slippery kind of snow. I wasn't willing to hurt myself running. So tomorrow I am biting the bullet and going to the indoor track. I hate spending $8 to run around in a boring circle on a crowded track, but what else can I do? I have a marathon to train for.

At least I got paid early so it'll just be a week or so until I can get myself my ukulele. I'm quite excited about it. I can't wait to start learning how to play. Maybe, if I get good enough, I'll post a recording or two.

Also, because of my cheque arriving early, I was able to get my new wrist brace. It's no where near as good as the old one, but they're not cheap. To get one of even close to similar quality I was looking at close to $40....so i got the cheap one. :(

It'll have to do. I need something. I can't even point at anything without my wrist hurting. I've had worse pain, but this is bad enough and constant enough to really get to me. *sigh*

I better drag my sorry ass to bed. I have a 10K run to do tomorrow. I should probably start the morning off with a good warm up. Maybe some Pilate's or something.

Boring Filler

I was going to do a back up post - 50 Q's or Life List, but I really didn't feel like it. So you're not getting much. My right wrist is burning from the inside and 90% of everything I do hurts. It kind of sucks. Okay, seriously sucks.

I am going to go to bed early tonight. Soon, I think. I'm always more tired when I am hurting. It doesn't matter where it is, but the worse the pain the sleepier I become.

Monday I can buy a new brace. It won't be as good as the old one, but I obviously need something. Maybe I should talk to my doctor...I should see him. I'm about three months later for my yearly physical....

So, goodnight. I promise you more another day.

Random is....

Today is a list of random thoughts. Really, just random thoughts. This is my random:

• I'm looking forward to getting a new brace. My tendinitis isn't the worst that it's been, but it sure does hurt. :( Enough so that I am taking some painkillers to help make it through the day. *sigh*
  
  
• In other news, one more home improvement has been completed. The shelf for my cookbooks has finally been installed. See:
  
  
  
  Yes, those are all my cookbooks...but I am always looking to add to my collection! It's nice to be able to get things in order like this. For those few of you who have been to my house before, well I bet it's starting to look a LOT different from the last time you were here.
  
  
• I think my next focus will be on trying to find a better way to store my overflowing DVD's. What I currently have is horribly insufficient. Maybe I can just build something, but that might take effort.
  
  
• This weekend I'll be doing a 10K warm up run. We'll be timing it and I will be doubling that time and adding a few(!) minutes on to estimate what my time would be if I did the half marathon at this point in my training. It'll be interesting. I'll let you know how I do.
  
  
• I am also debating on whether or not to go out on a short date this afternoon. I have been corresponding with a guy who seems okay. I don't really get much of a feeling for him one way or another....which means, like with 99% of the men out there, I find myself indifferent to him. Maybe that would change if we meet, but I'm not sure how much I want that.
  
  
• We always seem to have some interesting things to at work. Conversation of the day from work in reference to my complaining about some random stuff.
  
  "If that's the case, then maybe we ought to just take you out to the back 40 and shoot you."
  
  "Sounds like a good idea to me."
  
  "Geeze, you are so pessimistic."
  
  "You're right, better go with lethal injection - it's the happier alternative."
  
  
• Oh and I tweeted this earlier, but I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that I couldn't sleep. Seriously, who dreams about not being able to sleep?
  
  
• My computer froze as I was about to post this. I am very glad that blogger does autosaves. There would have been no post at all tonight without because I would have just shut off this damned machine and marched off to bed.
  
  
• Speaking of which, I haven't eaten yet. So I am going to go and stuff something down my gullet and then drag my sorry ass to bed. Goodnight world.
  
  

Something to think about

There was a time where I was asked a question that really made me think. It was a long time ago, but it went something like this:

"Consider this question, totally disregarding all considerations such as money, education and even talent. What job would you love to have, that would make you happy and fulfill you?"

I want you, as a reader, to think about this question. Really think about it. Don't just say the first thing that comes to mind. Consider your values, your hobbies, consider yourself. What is that job?

I'm sure a few can come to mind for most. I had to think about it for a few minutes myself. Finally, I gave an answer that even I hadn't originally expected at the time I had been asked this question.

I want to be a photographer. I want to let people see the beauty that I see in the world. I want to travel all over and see things that not everyone gets to see and then I want to share it with them. I want people to see the wonder and joy in everything. I want to share my vision.

Sadly, I doubt I will ever be a photographer. As much as I enjoy it, I can't afford to study it. I can't even afford the equipment. As close as I come to my dream is taking pictures for my friends and for myself with my sub-par camera.

You know what though? I'm okay with that because I am still taking pictures. I am still sharing my vision - even if it is with a much more limited audience. That is okay.

So, what's your answer?



Oh, and in addition to this more thought provoking entry, I would like to share that I have had a pretty shitty morning. From losing my only (and irreplaceable) wrist brace, pinching a nerve and nearly being late for work. Things could have gone better.