Finally

The last day of NaBloPoMo. *whew* And I didn't resort to my back up posts too often! Not so shabby. However, I am tired and sore and well...just not in the mood. So the last day of the month is going to be filler. Sorry folks.

Today's filler is courtesy of the Life List.

24. Get Married
Hey, it’s not for everyone, but I want it someday. Marriage is very important to me and it is something I only ever want to do once. So although I want it, I am willing to wait for this as well. If it never happens, well then I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

25. Stay in the underwater hotel
Not for everyone, but this one of those things that would be fun to talk about at a dinner party. “On my last vacation I slept with the fish.” “You did what?” “I stayed at an underwater hotel. It was fabulous.” “You stayed at an underwater hotel? Wow.” And so goes the conversation.

26. Take an African Safari
Another typical thing to find on a list like this, but for those of us who only get to see these creatures in a zoo, this would be well worth our while. Me and my camera will be more than happy to be there and we promise, we’ll share our photos.

27. Take an Unplanned Vacation
Catch a plane to some other country with no hotel room, no itinerary, no plans. Just pack up and go. It would be an exercise in the unexpected. Things could go horribly wrong or unbelievably right, either way it’ll be fun to talk about.

28. Drink Vodka in Russia
And see it of course, but if you’re going to drink vodka, then this is the place to do it. Beluga caviar and vodka. Not to mention that there is so much to see!

29. Learn to Sail
As in a sailing ship. It doesn’t have to be big and fancy, just enough for me to know what sailing is all about. Maybe then I can sail off into the sunset in a picturesque scene.

The Training Run

Today was the day of the big run. It wasn't exactly the 10K that we were hoping to do, but it was still a pretty good indicator of what our time on the half marathon might look like. In total we ran about 7.5 km in the hour that we were at the track.

That means, in my current condition, I would be able to finish the half marathon in 3-3.5hrs. Not too bad, but I want to do better. Dee thinks we can finish in 2hrs, which would be great, but I am just aiming for under 3hrs myself.

My problem at this moment isn't toning my muscles, it's my lungs. I knew they would be my weak spot and I was right. My lungs are holding me back from being able to do better. I need to build my cardio.

There are some breathing exercises that I can do to help, but the biggest thing will to just get my lungs working harder. Tomorrow I am stopping by the rec centre downtown. It's only $24 for a month membership and they open at 5:30am on weekdays. So long as I am home by 7am at the latest, I'll have no trouble making it to work on time still.

Speaking of exercise, I'm going to do some crunches before hitting the hay early tonight. I want to make sure that I'll be able to get up in time to go check out the gym before work.

Oh...and in other news, I finally got to see Score: A Hockey Musical. The only thing it seemed to be missing was a Tim Hortons reference, but it was amusing, not great, but enjoyable all the same. :)

Days Go By

I was supposed to go for a 10K run today, but I didn't for very good reason. It was warmer today - which was great, but it was snowing like crazy. The wet, slippery kind of snow. I wasn't willing to hurt myself running. So tomorrow I am biting the bullet and going to the indoor track. I hate spending $8 to run around in a boring circle on a crowded track, but what else can I do? I have a marathon to train for.

At least I got paid early so it'll just be a week or so until I can get myself my ukulele. I'm quite excited about it. I can't wait to start learning how to play. Maybe, if I get good enough, I'll post a recording or two.

Also, because of my cheque arriving early, I was able to get my new wrist brace. It's no where near as good as the old one, but they're not cheap. To get one of even close to similar quality I was looking at close to $40....so i got the cheap one. :(

It'll have to do. I need something. I can't even point at anything without my wrist hurting. I've had worse pain, but this is bad enough and constant enough to really get to me. *sigh*

I better drag my sorry ass to bed. I have a 10K run to do tomorrow. I should probably start the morning off with a good warm up. Maybe some Pilate's or something.

Boring Filler

I was going to do a back up post - 50 Q's or Life List, but I really didn't feel like it. So you're not getting much. My right wrist is burning from the inside and 90% of everything I do hurts. It kind of sucks. Okay, seriously sucks.

I am going to go to bed early tonight. Soon, I think. I'm always more tired when I am hurting. It doesn't matter where it is, but the worse the pain the sleepier I become.

Monday I can buy a new brace. It won't be as good as the old one, but I obviously need something. Maybe I should talk to my doctor...I should see him. I'm about three months later for my yearly physical....

So, goodnight. I promise you more another day.

Random is....

Today is a list of random thoughts. Really, just random thoughts. This is my random:

• I'm looking forward to getting a new brace. My tendinitis isn't the worst that it's been, but it sure does hurt. :( Enough so that I am taking some painkillers to help make it through the day. *sigh*
  
  
• In other news, one more home improvement has been completed. The shelf for my cookbooks has finally been installed. See:
  
  
  
  Yes, those are all my cookbooks...but I am always looking to add to my collection! It's nice to be able to get things in order like this. For those few of you who have been to my house before, well I bet it's starting to look a LOT different from the last time you were here.
  
  
• I think my next focus will be on trying to find a better way to store my overflowing DVD's. What I currently have is horribly insufficient. Maybe I can just build something, but that might take effort.
  
  
• This weekend I'll be doing a 10K warm up run. We'll be timing it and I will be doubling that time and adding a few(!) minutes on to estimate what my time would be if I did the half marathon at this point in my training. It'll be interesting. I'll let you know how I do.
  
  
• I am also debating on whether or not to go out on a short date this afternoon. I have been corresponding with a guy who seems okay. I don't really get much of a feeling for him one way or another....which means, like with 99% of the men out there, I find myself indifferent to him. Maybe that would change if we meet, but I'm not sure how much I want that.
  
  
• We always seem to have some interesting things to at work. Conversation of the day from work in reference to my complaining about some random stuff.
  
  "If that's the case, then maybe we ought to just take you out to the back 40 and shoot you."
  
  "Sounds like a good idea to me."
  
  "Geeze, you are so pessimistic."
  
  "You're right, better go with lethal injection - it's the happier alternative."
  
  
• Oh and I tweeted this earlier, but I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that I couldn't sleep. Seriously, who dreams about not being able to sleep?
  
  
• My computer froze as I was about to post this. I am very glad that blogger does autosaves. There would have been no post at all tonight without because I would have just shut off this damned machine and marched off to bed.
  
  
• Speaking of which, I haven't eaten yet. So I am going to go and stuff something down my gullet and then drag my sorry ass to bed. Goodnight world.
  
  

Something to think about

There was a time where I was asked a question that really made me think. It was a long time ago, but it went something like this:

"Consider this question, totally disregarding all considerations such as money, education and even talent. What job would you love to have, that would make you happy and fulfill you?"

I want you, as a reader, to think about this question. Really think about it. Don't just say the first thing that comes to mind. Consider your values, your hobbies, consider yourself. What is that job?

I'm sure a few can come to mind for most. I had to think about it for a few minutes myself. Finally, I gave an answer that even I hadn't originally expected at the time I had been asked this question.

I want to be a photographer. I want to let people see the beauty that I see in the world. I want to travel all over and see things that not everyone gets to see and then I want to share it with them. I want people to see the wonder and joy in everything. I want to share my vision.

Sadly, I doubt I will ever be a photographer. As much as I enjoy it, I can't afford to study it. I can't even afford the equipment. As close as I come to my dream is taking pictures for my friends and for myself with my sub-par camera.

You know what though? I'm okay with that because I am still taking pictures. I am still sharing my vision - even if it is with a much more limited audience. That is okay.

So, what's your answer?



Oh, and in addition to this more thought provoking entry, I would like to share that I have had a pretty shitty morning. From losing my only (and irreplaceable) wrist brace, pinching a nerve and nearly being late for work. Things could have gone better.

S.O.S.

I had committed to doing WriYe this year. I wanted to write over 500K, but I have been sadly unmotivated to write lately. I know I really just need to do some butt in chair exercises, but I can't seem to make it happen.

I want to write. I'm sure I should be writing. I often thing, "I could be writing instead." Still, I don't write. Could it be that I am uninspired by any of my WIP or current ideas? Could be that I am just still in a bit of a funk - a place where I just don't have the energy to commit to my writing?

Maybe I need to pretend that I am taking part in NaNoWriMo. I always seem to find a way to make the words come when the pressure is on.

Perhaps, just a new character, a scene that I find inspiring, a story that is a real adventure? What do I need to get myself writing somewhere else other than here? Suggestions, places to find inspiration? Anything?

Imagine me as Wile E. Coyote - holding my little help sign as I'm currently resisting gravity before falling to the ground far below. Yeah. Help.

Count Downs

One week till the end of the month and I can have the occasional lazy non-blogging night.

Two weeks until I get to order my ukulele. It's just a Makala Tenor, but I'm excited. It is, at least, upgraded with Aquila string.

One month until the baby shower. I get see my best friend and touch the belly. lol.

Two months plus one week till I turn 30. See my sad face? I don't want to be thirty.

Three months until my half marathon - I better get training, but actually running is hard when it stays below -20!

Three months and one week until my nephew is born and I'll be heading out to Saskatchewan to see him. Let's see if I can bond with a baby. I hold my doubts, but I'll love him anyway.

After that, it's all an unscheduled mystery at this point. I know I want to go home at some point this year...and there is Vegas in October (hopefully). Definitely taking the rugrat to Disneyland as soon as he's old enough.

I like mysteries though. I like all the blank spots in between the dates mentioned. Anything can happen. Anything. Of course, it's also a reminder of just how short life is. Gotta stop to smell the roses.

I got to remember, that when I look back on my life, I want to be happy with landscape, not sorry about all the trails I didn't have the time to take.

Day of Nothing

I have quite literally done nothing today. Seriously, nothing. Tomorrow will have to be different, but today was just what I needed. So instead of my normal rantings, you got a fill-in from my 50 Q's.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

My logical answer is England because it would be super easy for me to get citizenship and I’d be able to work right away because of the type of visa I’m eligible for. However, if that wasn’t a consideration, I’d head to Tasmania. I think it would be a climate I would enjoy. Plus, it's not too crowded yet.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

I have, but not because I believe it’ll make the elevator move faster or the doors to close quicker. It’s just because it’s something to do when you feel like you’re in a rush. It a make busy project for your hands. However, I rarely ever feel the need to be in a rush for anything anymore. I press the button once and wait for a bit. I don’t mind waiting, it’s like stopping to smell the roses.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

I’m not too sure either one is better than the other. Both ways you miss out on a lot in life. However, if I was a ‘joyful simpleton’ I would be less aware of what I was missing out on and at least I would be happy.

22. Why are you, you?

Good question. Go ask a psychologist or philosopher, they can at least pretend that they have the answer. I won’t even begin to pretend. There are too many unknowns.

getting there

So the weekend plan was going pretty good. My place is starting to look like how I want it to look. We're not there yet. Still, at least it looks more welcoming then the two camp chairs and a folding table that I had before.

Okay, it's not perfect. I still don't have a better place for my exercise ball besides on top of the TV, but I am getting there.

I did say something somewhere about not leaving my house all weekend, but that did change. My friends got wind of the fact that I was making shepherds pie and the next thing I know. I have three other people at my place who are having dinner and we're heading out to a movie.

We went to see I am Number Four, by the way. I quite enjoyed it. It was an interesting movie. Sadly, I don't hold out much hope for the year to come. I think there was only one preview that seemed somewhat interesting to me. Guess I'll be catching up on classics in the coming months!

There's never much to say when you're spending your long weekend mostly alone and inside.

Spice it up a bit please.

It's the Friday night of a long weekend and I am sitting at home, alone, looking around my current disaster of an apartment. My goal on these three days off? Clean, organize and get some exercise.

It's not what I could be doing. I guy I recently met has been hitting around at his availability this weekend, but I find myself hesitant to accept the hinted offer. I'm not really sure why, perhaps I'm just not that interested. I don't know.

So, I face three days of cleaning, organizing and being alone. Guess I should get used to it. I don't even have any plans to see any of my friends.

but, much like my life currently, this blog is way past boring to comatose. Seriously, can you find the pulse here?

Sadly, I'm too tired to think up anything even remotely interesting to say. I am contemplating knocking another item off my life list. I'm thinking about singing lessons. I can't really afford any right now, but I'm thinking that there might be some decent free resources out there.

I have been looking, but I haven't been too successful yet. I can keep singing my karaoke at home, but I'm not sure that'll help me at all! Suggestions? Recommendations? Advice to spice up my life?

#fail

Yes, I totally forgot to post anything yesterday and I'm so close to the end of the month. I have failed. I not only forgot, it never even crossed my mind. I was so wrapped up in other things. I was trying, yet again, at song writing. Something that I truly suck at.

I was also doing some karoke. Just because it's fun to sing, but I'm not a really good singer. *sigh* One day. I will take singing lessons just so I can be a *decent* singer.

Anyway, I am fail right now. I apologize profusely and I shall remember to post something tonight.

Limp Across the Finish Line

Well exercise was a wash today. After I shut off my computer, I went to walk to the bedroom and nearly fell on my face. That bit of rest time had given my feet time to swell and become little masses of nothing but pain. I could barely even walk to bed.

When I woke up in the morning, before I even moved, I knew that I wouldn't be doing anything that resembled exercise. It was a familiar feeling. The pain and stiffness had spread up to my ankles as well. *sigh*

My only thought was, a whole day of training down the tubes. I'll never be ready for a marathon if I can't stay on my feet long enough.

Don't get me wrong. I am determined to do this...even if I do have to crawl across the finish line. Even if it leaves me unable to walk for a week, I will run in the marathon. I have committed.

I guess I must be crazy. I'm not even allowed to be on my feet for more than a few hours at a time and I want to run a marathon. I want to go trail running during the spring for training. I want to go hiking.

I think my feet ought to be okay by tomorrow. We'll see. If my feet are okay then I only have my energy level to worry about (currently at zil). I can't even convince myself to get up to eat something. That just seems like too much effort to me right now. Even toast feels like a challenge.

Let's not even mention dishes, laundry, general cleaning and other things that need to be done.

And so it goes...

Today was pay day for me and so, I decided that with my new found hobby of running, I better take a bit of that pay cheque to get myself some shoes. A decent pair of running shoes, something with some arch support for all my foot issues.

I ran into a snag immediately. A good pair of shoes costs over $100 and I didn't have that kind of money at the moment. This was really only my mid-month advance. I could blow most of what I had on a sale pair, but none of the sale pairs were a good fit for me...at least not good enough at that price.

So I decided that I would spend under $50 on a pair that was, at the very least, okay. Something to make do with until I get my full cheque. Much easier said than done. I wear a size 11 in runners. That's right. I have big feet. Unfortunately, they are also narrow. That means that I couldn't make do with a men's shoe.

Eventually I found a almost decent pair for $20 - the only size 11 the store had in womens runners. I bought some inserts for $15 and I am praying that I can make it work. It took me all night just to find that.

At 9pm, I finally got home. I dropped off the shoes and grabbed some reusable bags and headed to the grocery store. I still needed food for tomorrow. I was out of eggs and lettuce and I was running low on salmon.

Finally I am home, and all I want to do is go to bed. My feet and ankles are killing me from trying on all these different shoes. Not to mention the walking and standing since I got off shift. I visited about seven different stores in my quest for shoes. It has been a long afternoon.

Of course, it doesn't help that it was a stressful day at work to boot. But that is just how it goes, isn't it?

Tomorrow is supposed to be a running day, but it feels like it's going to be cold and it's already snowing. Maybe I will do some jump rope instead? That might work if it's too cold for running outside.

Okay. Now I am going to go die until my alarm goes off at 4:30am. If I can walk tomorrow and it's not too cold - I will run. Otherwise, I'm pulling out the jump rope and breaking my shoes in inside.

Happy Arbitrary Consumeristic Representation of a Romantic Holiday

*looks down* Hmm, I guess you can see that I needed more than three cups of coffee to wake me up this morning. I was just plain tired. I couldn't even type "Make-up". *sigh* Of course I also told someone to have a good evening at 11am and I answered a call like I was leaving a message. Thankfully, it was the same guy who just laughed his ass off at me.

I probably shouldn't even be drinking wine tonight. Obviously I need to get some serious sleep. The alarm will go off at 4:30am so that I can train for my upcoming marathon. Tomorrow morning will be yoga to work on my core strength. I am serious about completing this marathon, even if I have drag myself across the finish line using my elbows...but I'm sure it won't come to that.

General meandering chit-chat aside, I am a bit torn about what to write about. It has been quite a full day and a pseudo-holiday to boot. A part of me wants to talk about charities and the experience of one of my co-workers and another part of me wants to be traditional and talk about Valentine's day. *coin flip* Valentine's day it is.

I can only think of one time in my life when I wasn't alone for Valentines Day. It was last year and I did something memorable, but not romantic. I was more then willing to agree to not doing anything "Valentines-y" since I hoped that there would be many more to come. Call me a foolish dreamer.

I guess I should have pushed for more, but it didn't seem important at the time. To be honest, I am a very mushy person on the inside. I don't often let it out. In fact, most people don't actually know how emotional I really am because I am one of those people who doesn't typically wear their heart on their sleeve.

There have been times when I have quite literally been called an emotionless robot due to my ability to not react emotionally to most situations. If I'm comfortable, I'll let someone see me cry or if I am just so upset that I can't contain my emotions. Of course, this isn't getting to my point.

My point is, I am a mushy-gushy romantic - even if most people don't know it. I love that romantic stuff and my hate for Valentines Day stems from a lifetime of singledom on this romantic holiday. Of being made to wander aimlessly for hours around a city I didn't know well to give the people I was staying with time to have a nice romantic Valentines Day evening.

Yeah, the holiday hasn't been kind to me, but deep down, I still love it. I try to make a point of treating myself. Some wine, a nice dinner and a movie. This year it was Bride & Prejudice. Bollywood cross-over - awesome movie IMO.

And that is the tradition I have developed for myself. Occasionally I've gone out with other single girl friends to celebrate, but those days are long gone. Among most that I know, I am the last hold out. It kinda sucks to be a single hopeless romantic on a day dedicated to romance, but I've learned to cope.

Of course, I can dream. I can dream that one day I'll have someone who has a bit of romance. Someone to make me feel special everyday and not just on this pseudo-holiday. Someone who knows how nice it feels to be swept off your feet.

Make Post Anyone?

I was just dead last night. I'm back to having a clogged sink and I just might have to give up and call my landlord to fix it. That may seem to some like something I should have done from the work go, but I like to do things myself. I like to try to be as independent as possible, whenever possible.

I didn't even make dinner, but I did make chocolate cake. Which became my dinner. I tried to deal with that annoying virus on my laptop that is still eluding me. At least I know how to manage it better. I can deal with minor annoyances.

I went for my run this morning. No improvement in pace, in fact, I jogged for less consecutive clicks than last time. My knee and back were very sore, but I did throw in some full out runs to really get my heart and lungs working.

This isn't a very good make up post, but it's the best I can do right now. So I am going to go guzzle a few more litres of coffee and get back to work and hope that my real post for today is at least interesting.

Life List Fill-In

19. Make my own pasta

I seriously keep meaning to do this. I’ve made my own dumplings, my own bread, I’ve even helped to butcher my own meat. One of these days I will make my own pasta.

20. Go shopping in NYC

Umm, duh. I’m a woman and I love to shop. I am not afraid to admit that. There is a lot to do in NYC and shopping is one of them. I plan on doing this someday. I’ll need some cash and my pocket for sure for this one.

21. Take a wine tour in the Napa Valley

I love wine and I hear the Napa Valley is beautiful country side. I made need to plan on some shipping costs for this trip, but I missed out on it once, I won’t miss out again. Any designated drivers?

22. Experience Weightlessness

It would be way cooler if I could be outside the Earth’s atmosphere for this one, but that may just be a bit far out of my reach. There are other ways to experience weightlessness – even if it is only for a few brief moments.

23. Visit as many UNESCO World Heritage sites as possible

http://whc.unesco.org/en/list I highly doubt that I will visit everything on the list, and I’m not sure I’d want to either, but I want to make a huge dent in it. There are a lot of great places to see there and I’d like to see as many as I can.

At the Bottom of the Dog Pile

Literally. I have three standard poodles on me. Besides that it's been a long, long day. I started my training for the marathon with a 3km run walk (mostly run) this morning. Early this morning.

So now I am tired and laying on a bed beneath a pack of dogs. So all you're getting is some 50 Q's tonight.

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

I have been told that the way I put a shirt on is very different from more than one person. When a shirt is inside out, I don’t turn the shirt right side out before putting it on. I just stick my head through the hole, pull the shirt down till the right side is out and then stick my arms through the sleeves. Apparently, that is different.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Everyone is different. Just because I find joy in the little things doesn’t mean everyone will. Photography gives me joy, but it’s not for everyone. We are individuals and the things that make us happy and give us joy are as different as we are from each other.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

Go to Antarctica. It is number one on my to do list though. I haven’t gone because of the cost of going. It’s not cheap and I want to make sure that I have an unbelievably memorable trip.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

I think I might be holding on to certain things from my past that I should have let go of a long time ago, but it’s hard to let go of some things. Sometimes I fear that if I let go, I’ll forget it.

Oh the things I do.....

I've really gone and done it this time. I think I've lost my mind. I have agreed to do something so monumentally stupid that I may just be committed. Perhaps my friends will begin to think that I have been replaced by aliens somehow. Sadly, I am committed to it.

I, who have joked about this hobby, made fun of those who do it. I who have said that I would never be one of them. This isn't even anywhere on my life list nor is it something I was ever thinking of adding to it.

I am going to run a marathon.

Okay, let's be honest. I'll only be doing the half marathon, but that will still be further than I have ever run before in my life. I once did the 10K Vancouver Sun Run - it took me 2.5 hrs to do it and I never practiced for it. Not once.

Now, let's be brutally honest now. I don't run - at all. I'm not in anyway fit at all. I can do maybe five girly push ups in a row and I can walk forever, but I cannot run for more than a short distance at the most. I have no cardio at all.

In short, I am screwed. Starting tomorrow I need to try to figure out some way to get my body ready and there is only one thing I can think to do. I need to just get out there and start running. Join a running club when the snow melts and just push myself. 3 days of running, two days of cross training and a day of rest.

If I can find a way to really push myself, I could do a run in the morning and cross training in the evening. Just keep going till I drop from exhaustion. Maybe not the brightest move, but I really want to do this. I have till mid-March for the early bird registration, but I am going to start now.

This is what I get for wanting a friend to do another 10K run with me. She talks me into the 22K half marathon. My goal is just to finish, but I'm not going to walk the whole damned thing. I am going to run more than half of it. That is my goal.

Wish me luck and send me encouragement.

Drinking and Posting

...is always a bad idea. Of course, since Ive been drinking the original post title was "dinking and potsing" which really doesn't have quite the same ring to it. Then again, I am more particular about spelling and grammar when I'm drunk then I am when I sober. Unfortunately the amount typos means it takes me four time as long to write anything.

I will never understand why 'soft' alcohol like wine and beer (which I am no longer allowed to drink) affects me so much more than the hard stuff. I can do shots all night without much of an affect on me. At least, not that I notice, but one bottle of wine and I am three sheets to the wind.

Ah well, I shall reiterate - drinking and posting, or if you prefer, drinking and tweeting or drinking and facebooking are bad ideas. Most people, when they are a few drinks past capacity, are a little amusing to those of us who are sober. I wish sometimes that I was one of those people.

I have a tighter rein on myself when I drunk then I do when I am sober. I am much more conservative and particular when I've been drinking. As far as I know, that isn't exactly common. Most people lose control and I become more controlled.

Actually, the point at which I laugh too loud, say stupid things and do stupid things is that point between drunk and sober - and only when I am having fun. Otherwise, I am much too reserved and self-conscious.

Those of you who have the dubious pleasure of knowing me might doubt thins. but sadly this is true. I am well aware that I am acting drunk, but I, sadly, am not as drunk as I seem. When I am truly drunk, I am much too self-conscious to act in such a way.

All this talk about drunken behavior is leading me to a single statement. A wish really.

I want to be able to let go.

It sounds odd, I know, but I wish for this very much. It would be so nice not to be my own worst critic. Not to be so aware of whether or not I may appear the fool. I would like to not care about how other perceive me.

Unfortunately, this is an aspect of myself that I find impossible to turn off. As much as I wish it to be so, it is not. I am always too aware of how I appear to others and never more so than when I am drunk.

When I am drunk, I have internal monologue going. It chastises me for rambling too much (in fact I'm doing that right now). It tells me what I need to do to sober up. It reminds me of my responsibilities - things I need to do before I go to bed. Even little things like changing the time for my alarm clock.

Mostly, I just wonder - what is the secret to not caring? The secret to just letting go and letting loose? Why am I not able to do this? Just once I want to know what it feels like to not be me - to just not care about how others see me. *sigh* Of course, that is more like how I pretend to be when I'm sober.

Now me and my numb face is going to face. Oh yes, did I mention that wine makes my face go numb?

(and of course I remembered to run spell checker for all my typos!)

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You

I love movies. Seriously. I do. I've never been a huge fan of the small screen, but the silver screen has always managed to draw me in. I have my favorites (there's a list here somewhere) and I have the movies I would avoid (I don't have a list of those yet).

Not only do I love movies, but I also love previews. That's right. Those little teaser. I watch them as avidly as I do the movie itself. Sometimes that preview contains the really good parts of a movie, but for some reason those are not the movies I usually end up watching.

What I really like, is when I pick up a movie that isn't as common. Something that wasn't a big blockbuster hit. The previews that I often find on those DVD's are sometimes for the most interesting movies ever. Not always the best movies, but definitely interesting.

Today I was watching "The Great Buck Howard" which I picked up out of the discount bin (a place that I often get my movies) and it had a preview on it for a very interesting movie called "Big Man Japan". It doesn't look like *good* movie, but it looks like a very interesting movie.

I am determined to watch this movie. It is a great example of why I watch previews so intently. I would never have heard of this movie any other way. My friends don't have as wild a taste in movies as I do so I can rarely get recommendations from them.

Now of any of you have suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them. (or at the very least read them). I always love expanding my horizons.

You've got a Bad Reputation

We all know who I'm talking about here. Everyone hates it for one reason - because of what it represents. The beginning of the work week. That's right. I'm talking about Monday.

The poor day just gets no credit. If things just seem to be going wrong no matter what, you're having a Monday. It's really not fair, the day of the week just landed at the wrong spot. The beginning.

Unfortunately, I started off having a Monday today. My shower flooded. It sure was fun to deal with this morning. Of course, things did get better from there, but that could have easily ruined anybodies day.

Lucky for me, my day ended with being told that I was valuable and irreplaceable. The thought did go through my head "if I can't be replaced, I can't promoted", but that's okay. I don't need promotion, just decent pay and a good job.

I should probably go make cupcakes for my coworkers now, but, as usual, I'm tired. One day, I may actually do something about it. For now, I'll give in.

Can we say 'Untitled'?

So, after yesterday of putting together my new tables and shelves and such after Ikea, today was the day for organizing. I started with my closet and discovered that I have a lot of clothes. Now wonder they didn't all fit! My new solution helps, but it's not perfect. Not by a long shot. Looks kind of cool though.

My living room looks bare. The tables are pretty much empty. It looks a little too Zen for me. I like a little more decoration for me. I've been thinking about it. Maybe some cat proof plants (more suggestions please?) or something to add some colour and visual interest.

Of course, everything is a disaster right now because in the middle of organizing I had to stop and make cupcakes. That's right. I was bringing dessert to dinner at my friends place. I made cupcakes and four flavours of butter cream icing. The key lime went over nicely.

And now, since I am tired and everything here is a little something from the 50 Q's.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Life can be hard, but don’t let it get to you. No matter how bad things can get, things can also go just as well. All you have to do is wait because the tides will always change.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

To save their life? There is a good chance I would, but it also depends on what law I would be breaking. I don’t think I would intentionally commit murder to save a loved one, but steal to save a loved one – more likely.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Honestly, no. Those two often go hand in hand and I’ve never seen only insanity to later see creativity. At least, not to my knowledge.

Disneyland for Adults

Today would be one of those days where I wish desperately that I hadn't decided to do NaBloPoMo again. I got home only an hour ago after spending the day down in Calgary. I am tired. I want to go to bed, but here I am.

However, the one good thing that comes out of the realization that I have to post a blog entry today is that I am still awake. Being awake means putting together purchases and reorganizing.

Today was the big Ikea trip at which I spent an obscene amount of money and very little of it actually being my on hard earned cash. Most of it was mponey and gift certificates that I had gotten for Christmas. I had requsted this from all my friends knowing that I would want to make a trip soon.

Most of what I bought was organizational material with the exception of a set of coffee and side tables and a gift for my up coming niece/nephew (not sure which it'll be yet). There were only a few things that I got that I *knew* I would be buying, but some of it was only a vague idea.

I just finished putting together the coffee tables, but The one by the window looks so bare. I need a cat repelling plant to put there - or at least something they won't try to eat (suggestions?). I got the cupboard organizers up, but I'll need help with the shelf for above the stove. I don't want to screw that one up.

Next is the bedroom items, but I might only get as far as the shoes. I have yet to decide if I want to put the larger shelf in the closet or if the small one will do. I'll figure it out soon enough.

Of course, sleep would be good. I hate getting up before 7am on a weekend. If it wasn't for Ikea, I would have been quite cranky about it.

Yet another 3-0 idea.

If you've been following my Life List posts then you will know that there are a lot of things I'd like to do at some point in my life. They don't have to be done now, just at some point. And even I know that I might not be able to do them all.

If you've been reading my personal posts, you may also know that my thirtieh birthday is just around the bend and I've been waffling about what I want to do for it. I want it to be something memorable.

I've tossed around ideas like a spa day, a trip to San Fran, a super incredible dinner out. There is a lot I can do. Of course, I've also got to watch the pennies because I have a couple of trips I want to do this year as well. Including Vegas and home to Vancouver.

I had a new idea the other day. Why not cross something off of my life list? Buy myself something special. It's too cold and early for the hot air balloon ride, but last year I wanted really badly to learn to play the ukulele. I never got around to it so I put it down on my life list. Item number four.

I was 'window shopping' for tenor ukuleles earlier this week and then I thought - why not buy myself one for my birthday? The gift that keeps on giving. It'll be a memento of the big three-oh.

I'm going to think about it for a bit though. As much as I like the idea, I want to toss it around for a bit. I never have an easy time with decisions. I spend way too much time thinking about them - just processing.

We'll see what happens though.

An Afternoon of Being Me

Yesterday I left work early so that I could finish the dishes in my now unclogged sink, get a few errands run, eat dinner and go train a dog then come home and make cupcakes for my co-workers.

Unfortunately, nothing went according to plan. I got two loads of dishes done when my sink decided that it was still clogged and started draining accordingly. As in barely. So I fiddled with that and tried to make myself dinner as I ignored whoever was pounding quite insistently on the door to my building.

After half an hour of pounding and a dinner almost made, I went down to see who it was. I opened the door to discover a cop wanting to go see the new guy in number 12. You know, the guy who knocked on my door at 6am on a Saturday morning? That guy.

I apologized for ignoring them, but he understood why I was reluctant to come down. He commented that this is a 'hard building to get in to'. My only response was 'that's why I live here'.

Now delayed a bit more, I eat dinner and head out to go train a puppy. I bump into the one neighbor I actually know - my closest neighbor. On his way out as well. He offered to give me a ride, which I accepted. It was entirely out of his way - about 15 minutes in the opposite direction. I was grateful.

Training went good. Very good actually...and I got a second meal of rack of lamb and a glass of wine. Leftovers. It was delish.

So I go home to make my cupcakes, having stayed about an hour longer at my dog training session than I would normally have stayed. It was after 9pm when I got home and started making cupcakes. I started with the gluten free ones which, sadly. Did not work out.

By 10pm, I was cleaning up my mess and saying 'screw this, I'm tired'. I took one last stab at my sink and went to bed. As I got comfortable I remembered I had to do my blog. *le sigh*

Acids and Bases

So, to be perfectly honest here, I nearly forgot to write an entry today. Mostly I was distracted by the fact that my kitchen sink is clogged and I refuse to do dishes until I unclog it. Of course, I'm mostly not doing dishes due to the fact that I need to run hot water for five minutes before I have hot water and by the time I do that, I have sink full of cold water instead.

Determined to fix this problem I picked up some Drano. After a couple of attempts, my sink wasn't draining much faster. Normally, baking soda and vinegar work great for unclogging my drains, but this time I needed something stronger and it wasn't bloody well working.

The next step would be to get under the sink and take apart the catch clean it out by hand, but I loathe the idea having to do that. I won't ask the management company to do it either because I want it done now, not a few days from now.

That was when it occurred to me. Drano is just a caustic soda, a BASE. What would happen if I used vinegar with it instead of water? Would it be like using baking soda, only a lot more effective?

So finally, at 10pm, I gave my idea a try. I am now out of vinegar, but I did get some distinct movement. Right now I'm giving it a moment before trying to run the water again. *fingers crossed*

In the mean time, I need to get myself refocused on exercising. Eating right has been the easy part, but I've been pretty sluggish lately and I think I feel a cold coming on - which isn't helping matters. I need to find a way beyond will power to get out of bed when I wake up.

Heck, most of the time I can barely get out of bed in time to shower, dress and make a lunch for the day - don't even mention the word breakfast. I used to have so much energy. What happened to it all?

Gee, ain't I full of questions tonight?

So I just checked my sink. Slightly faster draining (as in I can actually see the water go down now instead of checking every ten minutes). We're not there yet, but I can buy more vinegar tomorrow...and a plunger. I think I might invest in one of those as well.

It's nice to know that I remember something about chemistry. I mean, I did sleep through most of it.

Organizational issues

Again I have agreed to NaBloPoMo - this time for the wonderfully short month of February. It ought to be easier this time, no holidays getting in the way.

I've still got a lot of back up posts from the 50 Q's and the Life List, so you may be seeing some of those again. However, today I'm not going to go down those roads. I want to talk about something else.

My mission for the last bit has been to turn my apartment into a home. I've moved a lot, in fact I've lived in four different residences since I moved to this city less than five years ago.

When I moved into this place last April, I had a bed, a desk and that pretty much covered it for furniture. For the longest time, I was sitting in a folding nylon camp chair and my TV was sitting on top of my boxes of books.

First I was given stuff by those who knew I would need. Bookshelves and a TV stand. Some people bought me stuff I needed that didn't cost much, like a shelving unit for beside my fridge.

I found stuff, like a recliner and I bought myself a a brand new table and chairs for two. Slowly, it was coming together. Finally, someone gave me a futon to act as a couch. For the first time, I was able to look around and say that I had what was becoming a home.

Now, I'm the first person to admit that my place has it's shortcomings. It really is a nice apartment, but it's small and storage is extremely limited. I've been having to come up with ways to make the best of what storage I have.

As a part of making my place into a real home for me is to make storage and find places for things to go. Just this past weekend I bought a cabinet for over my toilet and a special shelving unit for underneath the sink.

The weekend previous, I changed out my old side table for a shelving unit that was the same height as my bed. It holds more and I can store stuff on the lower shelves. It definitely made a difference in my bedroom.

However, there have been a few issues that I just haven't been able to find the perfect solution for.

One would be clothes that don't hang. I used to just hang everything up. I had a fairly large closet, but my new place has a very small closet. Now the clothes that don't need to hang up have no where to go. For the moment they're piled on the shelf in my closet - not exactly the best solution.

Another problem is my shoes. I have a lot of shoes, but I think I might have to go to an under the bed shoe storage system to accommodate them properly. Right now, they're on a low shelving unit inside my closet, but all my shoes don't fit on it!

One thought on these two problems is that if I move my shoes to under my bed then I can move my non-hanging clothes it a unit at the bottom of my closet which will leave that upper shelf available for storage. Might work, right?

Another big issue is cleaning supplies. Right now, I have no good spot for my broom, mop and vacuum. The Vacuum sits in the living room against the wall, the broom and the mop lean up against the corner in my kitchen. Not ideal. I don't even have an idea to solve this one.

Lastly, there is my den. It doubles as an office and the room for my cats stuff (you know, litter, food, scratching post). Although it is, to some extent, organized, it is also the room where I store EVERYTHING. I have a huge shelving unit that is full to the max.

It might do me some good to try to go through everything AGAIN to see if I can get rid of some stuff - either selling, giving away or throwing away. It'll take time. It's piled to the ceiling. Then maybe the cleaning supplies can find a place to hide back there.

There are still a lot of little things that I need as well. Towel racks would be nice. A shelf above the stove for my cook books. Something better to store all my DVD's.

Any ideas or suggestions for organizing a small apartment? What interesting solutions have you come up with for your storage issues?