Sunday, May 5, 2013

Bare bones honest

I'm going to get very real with you all right now. Anybody who reads this blog on a semi-regular basis will know that I have put a considerable amount of time and effort into losing weight. In fact, I've lost over 50 lbs on my own now.
If you don't know about my journey then read the posts under the weight loss tag. It's all there.
Losing that much weight on your own is something that anyone can be proud of. Should be proud of. And I am. Except I had a moment today where my journey made me cry tears of sad instead of tears of happy.
I went shopping this afternoon. Now that nice weather has finally arrived to the prairies I have found myself with a very limited wardrobe. Nothing fits or or fits very loosely. So I tried a few things on.
It was awesome to try on smaller sizes, but even though the clothes fit properly they didn't look good on me. And finally I found myself just staring at my body in the full length mirror.
At that moment I didn't see how far I've come. All I saw was how much further I still had to go. I saw all the loose skin that made my body so ugly to me.
I didn't buy any of the pretty shirts. Not one. And when I was alone in my truck driving back home the tears came.
Yes, what I had seen had been depressing. And I was angry with myself for losing my perspective on things.
I'm fine now, but for that time I could have easily have thrown in the towel. I've had other, smaller moments where I could see how the moment could easily discourage someone. This was the first time I had actually felt discouraged.
I have to say I didn't care for the experience. However, it does serve one purpose. Now that I've been there I will be more aware of it next time. I will be prepared.

1 comment:

  1. *hug* Clothes shopping can be mean. But don't give up 'cause there's a perfect outfit waiting out there somewhere that will make you look absolutely terrific. (It's the clothes, not you. Really.)