I don't post much about my day job but as you can tell from the title of this post, this is kind of a big thing. After almost 15 years at the same job, I was fired just the other week. My brain cannot really decide how to feel about all of this.
Over the last few years, my ability to live the creative life I wanted to had been drowned out by the exhaustion and the burnout my day job was causing me. The mental stress induced from a non-supportive environment and excessive hours did a real number on both my physical and mental health.
So, in some ways, it's not bad thing that I am not working there anymore, but not working in general is very anxiety inducing. I have a positive attitude about it all, but I am not sure if that attitude stems from true belief that I will land on my feet or if it is a habit stemming for a lifetime of not wanting to let others worry about me or something else entirely.
I can honestly say that I do tend to land on my feet, but I really want to find a way to not return to the day job life. However, I am not a prolific or popular enough writer to make my living that way. I am no great social media guru to find my way as an influencer. My freelance work is entirely sporadic.
I honestly am not sure what I am going to do next. I am still applying for regular jobs and hoping that it all works out.
I am sure that somehow, it will work out. Maybe not the way I would necessarily want it to, but the way it has to.
Staying positive isn't a terrible thing when it doesn't fall into the realm of toxic positivity, but I cannot ignore the anxiety that resides with me as I look forward to the unknown.
I am staring into the void of the future and, so far, it has stared back in unknowing silence.
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