So, I got fired

I don't post much about my day job but as you can tell from the title of this post, this is kind of a big things. After almost 15 years at the same job, I was fired just the other week. My brain cannot really decide how to feel about all of this. 

Over the last few years, my ability to live the creative life I wanted to had been drowned out by the exhaustion, and burnout my day job was causing me. The mental stress induced from a non-supportive environment and excessive hours dud a real number on both my physical and mental health. 

So, in some ways, it's not bad thing that I am not working there anymore, but not working in general is very anxiety inducing. I have a positive attitude about it all, but I am not sure if that attitude stems from true belief that I will land on my feet, if it is a habit stemming for a lifetime of not wanting to let others worry about me, or something else entirely. 

I can honestly say that I do tend to land on my feet, but I really want to find a way to not return to the day job life. However, I am not a prolific or popular enough writer to make my living that way. I am no great social media guru to find my way as an influencer. My freelance work is entirely sporadic.

I honestly am not sure what I am going to do next. I am still applying for regular jobs and hoping that it all works out.

I am sure that somehow, it will work out. Maybe not the way I would necessarily want it to, but the way it has to. 

Staying positive isn't a terrible thing when it doesn't fall into the realm of toxic positivity, but I cannot ignore the anxiety that resides with me as I look forward to the unknown. 

I am staring into the void of the future and, so far, it has stared back in unknowing silence.

Omg, I forgot one of my WIPs

 Okay, first off, go read the previous post first and now I will add that I forgot to include one of the works in progress that is actually high on my list of things I want to get finished!

Several years ago I published a short story as a part of an anthology. The story was titled "A Peccadillo
Problem" and the shared world was a series of stories based on Alice in Wonderland. The anthology did not sell that well and went out of print at the end of 2023.

I was just fine with this anthology going out of print because I was already in the process of taking this story and making it something much more. I was never really happy with the story I had written. I knew there was more potential than what was published.

If you're a writer, you probably know exactly what I mean by that.

Now, when I say I was making it something more, I mean I was entirely revamping everything from the characters to the plot line. If you did read the original story from this anthology, you may find yourself recognizing certain events and scenes. I salvaged a lot of what I had including some of the characters, but then I made it something so much more. 

 This story is a few chapters away from being a finished first draft of a novella with a brand new title. It will also be moving a bit more towards the darker writing that fans of my work expect from me. I will hint a bit about what to expect in this novella with the title and tagline. As an added bonus, you're going to get a sneak peak of the new cover.

Title: Not Alice

Tagline: Alice is perfect. Smart, athletic, kind—everyone loved her. Then, one day, Alice disappeared without a trace. This isn’t her story.

Yes, I'm Still Alive

 I even updated the website a bit. Exciting, right?

Okay. Not really, but it is what it is. 

However, I just finished taking part in one of my favorite conferences for creatives, Flights of Foundry. Every year since I discovered this incredible and accessible event, I've made a point of taking part. This year, it wasn't just taking part in an event (as both a panelist and a participant), but a reaffirmation of how much life creative work fills me with.

Not only did I start a few new pieces of short work, but it reminded me of the novels in progress that I want to desperately get back to. 

If you're wondering what is on the list of things I wish to complete in the near future, well that shouldn't be too hard for me to tell you about. 

Most importantly, I would love to finish the final edits 'Rising Darkness', the sequel to 'Falling Light', and second book of the 'The Shadows of Fate' trilogy. This book has been sitting at the final revision stage for far too long.

The third book in the series, 'Penumbra', is still in the first draft stage, but I do want get that out. There are a few sticky plot points I am still working through, I am sure that those who have read and loved the first book, want me to finish the story of these wonderful characters. 

And yes, when all is send and done, I promise as happy an ending for those "goobers" (as one fan refers to them) as I am capable of writing.

Beyond that, I had a chance to talk about and really think about my other works in progress and I am not sure how much I have talked about them on my blog or outside of my writing groups. So, I thought I would write about them here and tell you why I am so excited to be able to work on each of these stories.

One of things that I really want to do is finish the second edition edits for the re-release of my novel 'Feathers & Fae', I even have a new concept cover for it. I have no plans to change the plot structure of this story, but I very much want to elevate this story to where I always wanted it to be. 

After that, I want to finish a story that I started years ago based on the joking challenge of how many times can I kill a main character in a story. In line with the tone of the story, it is called "Where the Dead Fern Goes'. The cover shown here is not the final cover, but something I created for fun. It has a snarky main character, Fern, who is death's assassin, killing those who are responsible for creating one too many traumatized souls. When her most recent investigation brings back memories that should have been erased, she risks losing herself and becoming an untethered, vengeful spirit.

One of the panels I attended at the conference reminded me of why representation is important. It brings me to a novel I have been longing to write for a while now, but haven't had a chance to get to that has an aro/ace main character. The tentative title of the story is 'Ace of Hearts' and this is the rough synopsis "Sam comes from a long line of demon hunters and has always been expected to learn the family business. When her entire family is brutally murdered, Sam learns that other families of hunters have been completed eliminated as well. Determined to get revenge, her investigation points to a cult of incubi and succubae. What she didn't expect was one incubus who wants to help her, or the friendship that develops between them."

Lower on the list, but still stories I really want to get to is finishing the sapphic, gothic horror novel, 'The Curse of Oakwood Manor' that is about halfway through the first draft. I do want to keep working on the next two novels in the 'Saints & Sinners' series with a couple of chapters of the next novel, 'Shards of Shadows' having been written. Though, with the first two books being my earliest published novels, I would love to be able revise the first two books 'Depths of Darkness' and 'Road to Redemption' up to my current standards.

There is also a book that I wrote years ago that I have never gotten out of my head. I loved the rich and detailed character. It was a fun imaging on the sword and sorcery genre with richly developed characters. It is called 'Blessings of the Damned' which is about an immortal sorcerer hiding from the
demons of his past under an assumed name in a quiet village. When an exiled queen discovers his true identity, she kidnaps his adopted niece to force him to help her break the curse his brother placed on her land. Unfortunately, this means facing the one person he never wanted to see again as the set out on a journey that can only end in death.

There is one last novel I want to talk about. This one started as a planned series of novellas of which the first was originally published in a short lived anthology that was published by Kyanite, one of the last things before they put out before they closed. The story was titled 'Call of the Void'. With the other stories in the series planned out, I wasn't going to let that work go to waste. The entire series will be under the novel name 'A Kingdom of Broken of Shadows'.  The other four parts of this are titled, 'Weight of the Throne', 'Curse of the Crown', 'Blood of the Ghost', and 'Heart of the Darkness'. 

Poodles and Cosmic Horror?

You may wonder what in the world poodles and cosmic horror have in common. It's certainly not the most typical combination. Unless, of course, you're some who loves their poodles as much (if not more) than you love writing. 

Hi, that's me. I'm sure if you follow me on any social media you know that my dogs are my life beyond writing. I show them, I groom them, and they are my everything. A fan favourite is Fred, my youngest standard poodle. 

She's got a lot of personality that comes through with nearly every picture and certainly every video I make of her. 

So, when I was struggling for an idea to write a short story influenced by the work of H.P. Lovecraft, I searched for inspiration where I could find it. 

And I found it in Fred. 

Now, I won't ruin the surprise of the story because I am happy to announce that it has been published in an anthology by JayHenge Publishing!

The story is titled 'Dog Gone God'. It features Fred in all her wonderful, sassy and sweet glory, and a
creative groomer who got in way over her head. If you want to find out how a standard poodle, a creative grooming competition, and cosmic horror go together then you'll have to pick up the anthology: The Nameless Songs of Zadok Allen: & Other Things that Should Not Be 

Burnout is a Bitch

 If you had read my last post at all, you probably had a good guess at what was coming. Heck, I knew what was coming and I ran head first into it anyway.

Everything came to a full stop and I was simply doing my best to make it through each day as it came. I was exhausted and, even when I tried to create, little to nothing came out. It was terrible, it was frustrating and... was is past tense. If I am being honest with myself, I am still sitting the tip of the tail from that flaming crash. 

I'm trying hard to find my way back to everything. To my podcast, my writing, my editing. It's hard. And, in the fashion of being me, I added new things to my life still. Including playing D&D and trying my hand at digital art.

Last night, actually, was my first attempt at really using my new drawing tablet. I have a very sketchy style of drawing because I tend to have a habit of drawing with ballpoint pens on scrap paper most of the time. 

I'm sure, with practice, I will improve and find a way that works for me, but for your amusement here is my first less than an hour of trying.

This was the very first thing that I attempted to draw by myself.

It's supposed to be Fred and, those that have seen a lot of pictures of her actually realized it was her. So, all-in-all, not a complete failure, but it could have been better. 

I also tried a side profile of her head, but I didn't really like that at all which is why I am not sharing it here. 

One thing I noticed was that this style of drawing on the tablet would make a pretty feather, so that was what I did next.

I liked how the feather turned out well enough to then see what colouring a drawing would be like with the new tablet and art program. I liked how that turned out, but I wanted it better blended. With a little bit of a look around, I figured out how to blend well enough. 

And below the progress of my feather:

Where Have I Been? Well...

Treble turned 8 years old
during the chaotic events

I am only posting this because I took the time to break down the events of the last three weeks. Well, not even quite three weeks because that would be 21 days worth of events and all of this happened in only 18 days.
Sadly, this has been a good example of life for the last few months more or less. Though the last almost three weeks took things to an extreme. However, there has ALWAYS been something going on, some sort of demand on my time almost constantly.

 

Day 1 -  Drive 6 hrs to Saskatoon because I can't get the time off to leave for the dog show early because my supervisor has time booked off. My friend needs to groom our other friend's dog for the show. I can groom my own dog for show, but our other friend does not.

Day 2 - Help groom or get ready to be groomed 4 show dogs. Drive 6 hrs back home, arrive a little late and slightly wired so I need to calm down.

Day 3 - 5 - Back to work! Extra long hours because my boss has booked days off! Day 5 is Wednesday and despite everyone knowing I had to drive 6 hrs after work that day and that I needed to be in Saskatoon before midnight or I would need to sleep in my car on the side of the road, one of my coworkers threw a fit and walked out before the work was done.
Somehow, I still make it Saskatoon before midnight.

Day 6 - 11 - I get up the next morning nice and early to drive to the dog show at a city over an hour

Fred and I at the dog show

north. That day and the next four days are all dog show days. While not extremely busy, and somewhat enjoyable, I am sleeping on a couch, they are long days and a bit hard on the body. Day 11 should now be Tuesday, where I drive home, but not straight home.
You see, I am getting good enough at grooming my own dogs that I am finally getting a new pair of scissors. My first new pair that I've ever bought for myself. It's very exciting, but it also means a stop well off my normal route and, therefore, a much later time to get home. I do get home at a half decent time, but still rather late. I also come home to find that something is not right with my fridge.

Day 12 - 14 - My boss has called in sick (and she was, in fact, quite sick). Though there is an option to work from home, she didn't exercise this option. It was very busy at work. I get home Wednesday night and attempt to fix my fridge. No luck. I'm going to need to buy a new one. Thursday after work, I go to the store and find a new fridge. In the end, I don't get home until 10 pm that night. I get myself packed and ready to leave for Saskatoon all over again. I have something far more than a dog show to attend to this time
Friday they deliver my fridge, thankfully my friend and part-time roomie was there to get it all set up for me since I wasn't going to be going home. Instead, she met me at my office, we drop my dogs off at a friends place and away to Saskatoon we went. This time, I booked a hotel so when we got at midnight, I didn't have the concerns that I would wake someone up by arriving too late.

Day 15 - 16 - I wake up at 530 am thanks to wonderful internal alarm clock. I hate this about me some days. I cannot get back to sleep. Thankfully, this day isn't packed or overly hard. I take my nephew to his football game. It's the first time I've ever been able to attend. Seriously, guys, I almost cried I was so happy to just BE there.
Then comes the reason we are really there. To move my bestie out of her wife's house. It was very sad. There was no anger or stress that way, but when she was off of work, away we went to take one load before heading out to dinner with some friends. We spend the night in the new room my friend is renting until she finds a place.
I can't get comfortable. I don't fall asleep. I'm exhausted.
It's Sunday, Day 16, that we do the rest of the moving. I was unaware that "bring tools" was meant to include a drill. So, I ended up strong arm screwing a TV support into the wooden wall stud. Guys, this is NOT an easy task, but I got those screws most of the way in. It's late and time for another 6 hr drive home.
Let me be clear, I do NOT begrudge my friend needing my help in this way. This was important. I wanted to help her, but I was so exhausted that my roomie who came with me took one look at me and said "You are not driving half of this, you look like death." So, we grabbed some food and she drove the 6 hrs back home. She wanted me to rest, but I want to make one thing very clear. I struggle to fall asleep in moving vehicles. This was no exception. We get home at 12:30am and I shuffle my ass straight to bed.

Day 17 - Hello, 530 am. It's time for work. I am exhausted. I grab food from my fridge and head off to work. I am beyond exhausted. My core body temperature is dropping and as the day progresses I get colder and colder. I wrap myself up in four blankets, I take a break a lunch and try to have a nap. It's a late night. By the time I get home, my stomach is a bit crampy and I attribute it to possibly eating something wrong on the weekend. Some gluten contamination.
It's a late night at work, but my boss left at 530 because she had to pick her daughter up from the after-school program. I am beyond tired. It's 730 pm by the time I get home with my dogs. I picked them up after work, because I wasn't waking my friend up at midnight to get them. Home I go and feed my puppers and I go straight to bed with no supper. 

Day 18 - I realize on waking that it wasn't gluten hurting my insides. It was a mild case of food poisoning. It was not a kind morning, but I still go to work. I work another late one. Once again, the boss left at 530 to pick her daughter up. I don't want to begrudge her that, but I seriously still need some rest. My insides, by the end of the day, are feeling better. Finally, I get to actually LOOK at my new fridge. My roomie hadn't returned to check on her dad yet and had made me some dinner. It was great. I was still tried and went to bed early, but not too early. It was my first chance to just really sit and snuggle my dogs.

I am not officially including Day 19 - because this is Wednesday. Yesterday, as of writing this. Things have finally slowed a bit. Well, maybe by my standards, but perhaps not by anyone else's. My boss had to take her daughter to swimming and left at 5pm. I worked until 630 pm before rushing home for the poodle club meeting. My roommate had left for her other residence (where she helps to keep an eye on her father) and the house was mine. After the meeting, I prepped my meals for the next day. Made some grilled cheese and called myself done for the night.

So, where have I been? Well..

you just got a snapshot of some the craziest days of the last while.

Review: Never Say You Can't Survive by Charlie Jane Anders

Have you ever felt a little insecure about your writing? Life beating you down a bit and it's impacting your writing life? Having trouble focusing on the story that you think you need to write?

Then this book is for you. Seriously. 

This next post was supposed be about my recent struggles with mental health and imposter syndrome, but when I finally got my copy of this book from the library, I knew that this would be a far better post than my own ramblings. 

I don't know about you, but when life is hard my writing tends to suffer. That was the reason this book got recommended to me in the first place. In fact, I am still struggling, but this post isn't about me. This is about Never Say You Can't Survive by Charlie Jane Anders and why I honestly think every writer who has ever struggled at any point should read or listen to this book. 

This book gave me the lift that I so seriously needed at this moment. Charlie Jane Anders interjects her own personal anecdotes and writing journey that really made me feel as though I am not alone in my journey or struggle. It's these anecdotes that really will draw you into this book in a way that many other writing advice books often lack. 

That are many incredible nuggets of extreme wisdom that any writer at any stage of their writing career can cling to before we even get to the nuts and bolts portion of this book.

So, about the nuts and bolts section? Well, the author has some wonderful insights on how to make things work and she gives new ways to look at things in the most common sense language. She gives wonderful and entertaining examples as well that work for both pantsers or plotters. (And if I am being honest, a lot of writing advice isn't always targeted for pantsers).

Her personal anecdotes continue along the way as well from throughout her life and experience. She's not only talking about how she did it in her books. Every story she tells really helps to give a lot of relatable content to lend context to the writing advice.

To be honest, I could go on about why this book is great, but mostly if you write—whether your goal is to publish or not—this is a book I think you need to read or listen to (bonus: audio is narrated by the author herself). This is a book where, no matter whatever you on your writing journey or where you want to go with it, you will find things here that help and resonate with you and make you feel a bit better about your writing journey.

As an addendum, this book is super 2SLGBTQIA positive. I would be remiss in my duties as a reviewer if I didn't mention this wonderful bonus and there is writing advice in relation to this topic as well as in regards to being a part of any marginalized community. Trust me when I said it made my little heart soar to have these things included.

Overall, when it comes to writing advice in these troubled times, I say this is the book to read.