G is for Goals

Goals are important in all aspects of life - self-improvement is no exception. We all have goals even if we don't take the time to fully define those goals. These are often simple statements such as "I want to travel (more)" or "I want to be happy" or even "I want to be a better photographer". Don't fool yourself - these are goals. They are vague and only half realized, but they are still a goal.

When you're trying to decide on what your goals are for self-improvement it helps to be specific and to narrow down those goals. Being happy is a great goal, but it's kind of hard to figure out how to achieve that. For me, I just thought about what makes me happy. Like taking joy in the little things. So I broke that down into finding one thing every day that makes me smile. It's a small easily achievable goal that brings me towards the more vague goal of being happy.

I know that I will not always be happy. Things happen and I'll have bad days. I'm going to have to deal with loss and disappointment, but that goal of always finding one thing in a day to make me smile is possible even in the face of the greatest tragedy. This, to me, is the definition of a happy person - someone who can always find even the briefest point of light on the darkest of nights.

Defining your goals is one of the most important things in self-improvement. Trying to be a better person is a great thing, but it's not exactly a tangible goal. How can you tell if you've achieved this goal? The only way to know is by defining your goal down into something more that can more easily be measured.

What does being a better person mean to you?


For me, it means that I am the kind of person that can be kind and forgiving in the face of anger. I am the kind of person who does what they said they would do. It means that I am open and accepting of other people's ideas and philosophies even if I do not agree with them. - Well I could go on and on, but each of these things helps me better measure and plan my journey.

Goals can be vague, but break those big things down into more measurable little goals. I must sound like a broken record now, but it's all about the little steps. Actually that reminds me of one of my favourite poems. I think I'll leave you with that.

Little Things - Julia Abigail Fletcher Carney

Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean
And the pleasant land.

So the little moments,
Humble thought they be,
Make the mighty ages
Of Eternity.

So the little errors
Lead the souls away
From the paths of virtue
Far in sin to stray.

Little deeds of kindness,
Little words of love,
Help to make earth happy
Like the Heaven above.

F is for Fear

Okay, I know fear is an emotion and I covered emotions in yesterday's post, but I honestly believe this is a subject that does deserve special attention. Fear is one of those good and bad emotions and it is something I am constantly striving to overcome.

For me fear has been a constant companion. I didn't even get my drivers license until last August because I was just so damned scared - of what I don't know. In fact, although I've become more comfortable with driving it still scares me. Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about - how debilitating fear can be, but it can certainly be a huge hurdle to leap on the way the self-improvement. Yup, for me at least this one gets it's own topic.



Fear is a healthy emotion - in it's place. We need fear (or at least a healthy respect for danger) to keep us from getting hurt. Being scared by standing on the edge of the cliff isn't bad. Cliff's are scary, but to be so scared that you can't get within 5 feet of the edge maybe is a little excessive. That little fear, though, is a warning that what we are doing is kind of dangerous and that's okay.

Debilitating fears, on the other hand, can get in the way of living the life that you want to live. Like me not getting my drivers license for so long - it got in the way of things. Unreasonable fears and phobias are things that need to faced if we want to live a full and happy life.

Sure, you can adjust, but Why? No, seriously, why adjust? Because it's easier than working to overcome the fear? Maybe you're right, but for me I don't believe that's an option. For me, that is the rock that started the landslide. If I let one fear start to control an aspect of my life then the next thing you know I'm going to being hiding in my apartment and jumping at every sound. And no, that is not hyperbole. Trust me on this.



I wish I had easy advice on how to overcome fear. All I know is that I was stubborn in my determination not to be ruled by fear. I strove to understand exactly what scared me about everything and then I confronted the aspects of what scared me. I tried to overcome the fear by facing it head on and making myself deal with it. I wasn't trying to control the fear or get rid of it, but understanding does help reduce it.

Driving scared me because the other vehicles on the road, my knowledge of bad drivers out there and the odd belief that I'm going to die in a car accident (don't ask, I don't know). These things still scare me, but I've translated that into being a very vigilant driver. I shoulder check, I use my mirrors, I keep a safe following distance. Things everyone should do really. I'm not letting my fear stop me so I made it work for me instead.

Travelling on my own is the same kind of thing. It scares me far more than it should, but I've translated that into something useful. I am a planner when it comes to taking a trip or a vacation. I study maps, I make an itinerary (a flexible one usually). It makes me feel better - and I think it makes for a better vacation in the end as well. I make that fear work for me.

I have made up my mind not to be scared of things. Now I try to embrace them (although you still won't catch me hugging a spider anytime soon). I'm not going to ignore my fear or suppress it, but I will not let it stop me.

E is for Emotions

We all have emotions - all kinds of emotions. We can feel angry, hurt, sad, happy, confused. I've met people all over the feeling spectrum from those that are ruled by their emotions to those that try their best to deny any feeling at all. Of course, even when we attempt to deny them, they are still affecting our decisions and our thoughts.



Emotions and self-improvement are tightly intertwined. How you feel about things - yourself included - comes in to play from the introspective start of the journey right through to the carrying our your plan for improvement. It doesn't seem healthy to me to either deny or be fully controlled by emotion alone. Of course, if that's what you want to be, don't let me stop you.

I'm going to break up the topic of emotions into two separate sub-categories: introspection and in action.

Emotions in Introspection



When you're trying to figure out what it is you want to change about yourself - before you ever get to the how's and whys - you're going to need to figure out how you feel about yourself first. So how do you feel about yourself? Don't allow yourself to take the easy answer. Pick up your emotions and examine them.

When I was a teenager I remember having a really bad day. At the end of that day as I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling with tears streaming down my face all I could think about was how much I hated who I was and it needed to change. I was too young to really know what it was that I thought I hated - but it wasn't my whole being. Looking back I can tell you that I hated being weak, I hated not knowing how to fix my problems, I hated being sad so much, I didn't hate who I was because I wasn't some irredeemable villain. I was just a sad and angry teenager.

I wanted to change back then because I knew deep down that I had the ability to rise above my experiences. I knew that I could be a better person than how I normally acted on a daily basis - I just had no idea how to get there. Now I know it starts with introspection and examination of the fundamentals of my emotions and how I feel about myself.

Before you can change anything you need to understand and accept yourself. How can you go about changing yourself for the better if all you can find is self-loathing and hate? No matter what changes you believe that you need to make it should always find a firm basis in love - and love comes from understanding and acceptance. Plain and simple.

Once again, feel free to disagree. I won't be offended and I always like to try and understand how other people view the world.

Emotions In Action



Emotions 'in action' sounds a bit odd, but emotions do influence how you act and react in certain situations. What I am referring to is a constant vigilance of how you feel so that you can act and react in ways that you want rather than thinking to yourself later 'why the hell did I do/say that?'. Vigilance over regrets.

Even though one of my goals is to be a more understanding and caring person to my fellow human beings, I still find myself being annoyed and petty at times. I always feel bad afterwards, but unless I am aware of how I am feeling I more likely to act on these feelings.

Keeping an emotional inventory as you go through the day can help minimize these incidents so that you can move forwards on the journey of self-improvement. There are times when I come to work and I know I'm not in a very good mood. It's hard to tell because I will often smile even when I'm grumpy. On these days when I am aware of my tendency towards not being nice I give myself a few extra seconds to respond to people.

Emotions in action is just the ability to take the self-inventory as you go. Being aware of how you feel at any given moment can make it easier to interact with others in a way that makes you happy with yourself and in the end being happy is really what self-improvement is all about - isn't it?

D is for Dreams, Desires and Determination

Today I bring you the interconnected wonderfulness of a triple bill. For you must first start with a dream. Then you must desire the dream. Finally, you must fine the determination to achieve that which you desire. Sounds simple, doesn't it?



Of course, I've said it a couple of times already. It's not easy - at least not for me. I have dreams of course and I desire those dreams, but it's not always the burning desire I need to bring forth the necessary determination to succeed. In fact, that is one of the many things I find that I would like to change about myself. I often lack the fiery determination necessary to really accomplish my goals.

So let's examine the dream-desire-determination paradigm so that maybe I can find a way to develop the drive (yay another D word!) that I so envy in others.

The words "dream" and "desire" are often used interchangably - and there's nothing wrong with that. They both mean pretty much the same thing, but for the purposes of self-improvement they are not. The dream is the thing you want, the desire is the catalyst to bring about a determination to succeed in achieving the dream. Or if we're going to use the metaphor of an acutal fire - the dream is the piled wood, the desire is the spark that starts the fire and the determination is the heat of that flame. Does that make sense?

How about an example?

One of the dreams I made a desire and am now determined to see through has to do with my physical health. I once only dreamed of being healthy and would often make an attempt at living a healthier lifestyle, but I would always fail. Although I desperately wanted to be healthy I lacked the desire. I didn't crave it the same way I craved the instant gratification of food. One day, I stepped on the scale and something made a connection in my mind. There was the desire. I craved being healthy more than I craved that extra cookie. I became determined to succeed and so I made a realistic plan on how make it happen.



So how do I go about making that connection from dream to desire in other aspects of my life? That is a very tough question to answer. I think that to find the desire to outweigh the inertia is going to be personal for everyone which is why it's hard to find sometimes.

Maybe what I need to do is tap into my competitive spirit and find the desire in not submitting to those aspects of myself that I am not in love with. To find the desire and courage to change greater than the inertia of my procrastination and laziness. I need to find a way to compete with myself - because self-improvement is not something that can be weight against others. It is a battle and a race against ourselves.

C is for Courage

How often do we talk about courage without really taking the time to understand what real courage is? Or even how to recognize it in ourselves? Courage, I think, is more often found in the smallest tings and not grandiose gestures or words. And when we are talking about improving ourselves a great deal of courage is involved.

It's hard to look inside and admit to yourself what your failings are without being mean about it. I'm far kinder to myself now than I used to be. Had I tried to to attempt this journey even a few years ago I wouldn't have had the courage to look at myself honestly and admit where I had failed myself - and be okay with it. Even now, it's hard to do that, but possible. And this is true courage - to do this and not end up hating myself.

I'm still poking in the dark corners of my mind and soul, picking apart my actions and trying to decide if what I did was what I should have done. Was I being true to the me I want to be? It's a hard question to ask. It would be so easy to become a quivering ball of tears and regrets when you start looking that hard at yourself and asking the hard questions. As Nietzsche wrote "And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."

Self-improvement really does take a great amount of courage. I don't think any one ever told me that when I started, but it's true. Honesty takes great courage sometimes and it doesn't always come easy.



Of course, courage may be hard at first, but once you've found it the first, it'll be easier the next time. Eventually it won't seem like you're being all that brave because it's something you've gotten good at doing. Just remember, it's a gentle courage. Be kind to yourself because self-improvement isn't accomplished through insults and hate.

B is for Behavior

Maybe it's just me, but I find that when a lot of people talk about self-improvement they are usually only talking about either behaviour or physical appearance - rarely do people focus on both. I find this to be a little silly because a healthy body is just as vital as a healthy mind. One without the other is possible, but harder to achieve I think.

This post, however, is focused on behavior only and we'll cover physical another time.

To change your behavior, first you need to decide on the kind of person you want to be. So, who do you want to be? Take some time and really think of it. I've spent years considering what kind of person I'd like to be and I'm still not the person I'd like to think of myself as.

One thing that I've considered doing is writing a personal manifesto to help define the person I would like to be and how I expect myself to act in certain situations. I haven't written it yet, but it's not something I think I should just bang out on a whim. It also covers the next part of changing the behavior.

Yesterday I talked about Awareness and it comes in handy here again. I need to be aware of not only my current behavior, but also of the distance between who I am now and who I want to be. Then I need to make the decision to change one aspect of my behavior till it becomes a part of me. Step by step - a little change at a time - I can make my way from where I am to where I want to be.

This is a process I've done before for a lot of things, but it's never been a conscious process and I need to make it one. Of course, first, I need to decide who I need to be and that is going to take some serious thought.

There are a few things that I do know I would like to change. I would like to be a more purposeful person. I hate that I have spent most of my time letting life happen to me instead of the other way around. It's a slow process, but I really need to set down and think up several small steps to get myself to a point where I live my life with purpose.

I also already know that I would like to be a more loving and kind person. I have a tendency to judge others harshly at times. I always try to catch myself at these moments and remind myself that I do not know what that person's journey is about. Sure, if I don't approve of how they interact with others than I can choose not to interact with them, but I don't have to do it with judgement. I can do it with love and understanding instead.

Of course, changing my behaviours can help improve my physical health as well. Such as making that effort to be more active instead of lazy. I can try a little thing like deciding not to hit snooze 5 times and then have to rush around getting ready. I can stop procrastinating and take that hour spent being lazy and put it towards doing something useful - like exercise or writing.

A is for Awareness

Today is the beginning of the A to Z Blog Hop and I have been trying hard to think about what I will be posting this month. Until just this moment I had no idea what I was going to be doing and I've decided to do a theme - more or less.

Those who read this blog may realize that self-improvement is something I am constantly striving for. Occasionally I fail at my attempt, but more often than not I just take my precious time getting to where I need to be. Heck, the road to self-improvement is rarely a highway - it's more like a rocky country road.

I won't guarantee that every post this month will fall under the theme, but I will try my best to make it so. And I think, in all honesty, the posts are more for my benefit than anyone else. A way to give my thoughts some order.

Awareness is one of those things that I really need to work on in more aspects of my own life. I often find myself doing/saying/thinking things without really being aware of the reasons behind these actions and if I want to continue on the road to self-improvement than I need to make sure that I am more aware - not only of myself, but also of my surroundings.

Food is a great example of this. I have been working really hard to get rid of my excess poundage and have lost over 50 lbs. However, I still find myself mindlessly snacking even though I know I'm not hungry. Mindless snacking isn't helpful at all. So the first step is to be aware of my actual state of hungry vs thirsty as well as the why of it all. If I can be aware of what is going on in my mind/body than I am better prepared to react in a way that is positive.

Being aware isn't as easy as it sounds and sometimes I'm aware, but willingly ignore what I know. *sigh* It's one of those many things that I need to work on and I'm more than willing to accept suggestions on how I can become more self-aware. I need to master this since it is the first step towards improvement.