A New Year Moving Forward

It's been a bit since I announced that career change. I'm still moving forward in my career as a first responder in police dispatching.  I've completed and been signed off on my first half of training. I begin the second half in March. 

It's been a big adjustment for me.  Shift work and learning a new job has been hard for me.  Despite the months off while unemployed, I'm still battling with fatigue from burnout and the ptsd moments the stress my last job (or rather the manager I had) left me with.  

I still struggle not to spiral every time I make a mistake at work, regardless of how small that mistake may be.  I keep struggling not to think that each mistake might lead to me losing my job. That maybe my supervisors will not like me in the same way my last manager did and they'll hold every little error against me.

My logical mind knows that's not going to happen but the logical mind doesn't control the reaction from what I experienced. However, I'm seeing a therapist who I'm hoping will help me work through the mess I've been left with.  

Shift work has also been a challenging adjustment for me.  Two 12-hour day shifts followed by two 12-hour night shifts and then technically 4 days off doesn't sound that bad on paper, but for someone who has worked an office job for nearly 15 years previously and has struggled with insomnia,  it's been extra challenging.  I no longer need the energy drink to make it all the way through the nights, but I know its wearing on me all the same.  

I have days where I'm bone tired, that I sleep-in super late but wake every 4 hrs.  I've tried taking melatonin to help but I worry about becoming reliant on something to sleep,  even if it is sold in the vitamin and supplements section.

However,  the people I get to work with are amazing.  They're all a bunch of weirdos which works for me.  A couple of dog snobs as well which is super nice to have.  I miss a lot of my old team.  After working so long together, it's hard not to miss them.  

Speaking of dogs,  my girls are mostly adjusting well to my new schedule. My old girl, Treble, has had the hardest time with it.  She's taken to a bit of a hunger strike and I'm doing my best not to give into her demands for specific foods now that I feel as though there is nothing seriously wrong with her.

So, mostly, I'm doing okay.  I'm trying to be kind to myself.  I'm trying not to stress over things that have fallen to wayside lately.  I'm mostly trying to focus on keeping one foot in front of the other without tripping myself.